Moral Education (anyone?)

you'd take things for granted as you grow (older) UNTIL some incidents hit you hard and bring you to some contemplations and revelations.

i've been in the US for more than 5 years. i have observed enough to share what i wanna say now.

to most malaysians, our education system might seem not so perfect in bringing us up as the model human being. yes, one can always argue his/her way on this subject. as a non-malay malaysian myself, to have moral education as one of my 'required' subjects to study seems like any other subjects--to educate me as a whole (good) person...especially living in a multiracial country....ummm...how to behave appropriately, morally. ;-)

for those who doesn't understand our education system. moral education is part of the main subjects to study since 1st grade-11th grade (it's in the standardized nationwide examination!). and what do we study?

The moral education curriculum is designed around ten values:

physical and mental cleanliness,
- cleansing is a must. not just because we're near the equator where the weather is always hot and humid :-P

consideration,
- consider others' need and feelings. be compassionate and put oneself in others' shoes

moderation,
- do not boast. do not take advantage of the weaker ones. i have one in chinese saying, 'if u aint got a big head, do not wear a big hat'. lol

diligence,
- 1% talent + 99% hard work = key to success

thankfulness,
- always be grateful of what we have dear to ourselves. it brings people together--being thankful/grateful, humble :-)

trustworthiness,
- how much time and effort one must invest to gain trust of others? action always speaks louder than words...

fairness,
- injustice brings anger and frustration to others

affection/love,
- there are subcategories to this: parental love, siblings love, friends love, neighborly/community love, lover's love, nation's love. wow...how we MUST have distinctive lines and actions correspondingly!

respect,
- also, subcategories: respect the elders(!), respect the teachers(!), respect others...

and society.
- gather all the above values and put them in the society--peace and harmony ;-)

we were given alot of case scenarios which test our moral ability to seek out the most rightful way to response according to the given situations. oh boy...how we use to laugh at our righteous and silly answers--what's right to do and hell do we do that in real? nooooo... maybe... ;-P

but at least the whole nation are somewhat educated morally. lol

now this made me think that perhaps USA could learn a little from a little multiracial 3rd world country. i have seen many people having difficulties 'behaving'. i'm not gonna pinpoint anyone right now, but i would say that it's alot healthier for the entire nation to at least learn these fundamental values to become a better person for peace, harmony and the betterment of the society.

ALL ABOUT WORKING FOR WORLD PEACE in our little humble ways ;-)

the past 3 days

Part 1:

so my right eye has been twitching for the past 3 days.

according to the old housewives tales, twitch on the right eye means disaster/bad thing is around the corner or is happening right a the moment AND twitch on the left eye means fortune/prosperity...

the first thing that popped into my mind was my mum. :-O OMG is she alright??? we do have some kinda telepathy thing going on.

the second thing that popped into my mind was about myself. am i gonna get hurt in some/various way(s)? i do feel kinda vulnerable right now.

so, mum called me like 3 hours ago. she's doing alright. phew... then what the heck with the twitches? it's certainly not about the lack of sleep coz i've been having 6-8 hours of sleep these days!

man...i feel like walking on thin ice.

Part 2:

like the chinese saying, 'yat yau so si, ye yau so mung'. JS appeared in my dream 3 nights in a row.

1st night, she texted me 'get some nigori' on my way to her place. wow...i'm kinda craving for some nigori sake, but then i'm on budget. and she wanted to get the expensive sake?! lol.

2nd night, i went out for an adventure with 2 of my friends (whom i can't remember now). we went kayaking in a really cool 'boat/kayak' with extendable 'wings'. like a roller coaster ride on the water. we arrived at a lil village. at the souvenior shop, i found some kafir lime leaves, and kafir limes with leaves. kinda expensive, but i thought of her...how she loves lime...and probably her corona will taste much better in those. AND kafir leaves are kinda hard to get here ;-P i bought the limes with leaves. lol. when i gave her the gift, she squeeze those limes in caesar salad... lol.

3rd night, i was sitting on her lap facing her. yes, fully clothed. the look, the long, the passionate making out. wow! AND my dad happened to be there and he saw. wtf? then fast forward to the 68. ummm... :-P

gee...it's like i'm dating her in my sleep, don't u think? urgh...what about the reality now? huh

Sweet September

it's like stepping into fairyland...

like those in Enid Blyton books

quaint and quiet lil historic town

faint distant sound of the train

fairy tales seem real

expect lil pixies

cute lil angels in wings

a drive into nowhere to somewhere

an invitation

a quest to seek

a mutual connection

if chemistry work then will there be a need for catalyst

the catalyst that brings some similarities together

the resonating feel between us

deep into the blueness of your eyes

beyond those glasses

a pick on the brain

communication

the hint of smartness, talents, longing and mischief

like those spices of life

to spice up one's life

the 5 elements

water fire wind/air earth and wood

the simplicity of life

you breathe

how comforting

how empowering

how invigorating

how refreshing

a revelation i found

meeting and knowing you

the moments we shared

one of my best experiences...

*now reread it from the bottom

dah lah tu...

my malay is slipping off of me bits by bits... damnit, this is that one gets being a lil 'derhaka' to the birth land.

macam mana lah i nak curamkan isi hati dan emosi i ni...

*burps* (too much light beers)

kan kerja tak berapa mempromisi' kan? ;-P boss tu menanyakan kayaulah i boleh kerja dinner kat pasadena. pasadena branch tu hampir 40 minit drive dari tempat tinggal... isssshhh...dah lah dia cakap 'don'tcha need the extra money?... bla bla bla' i pun tabik lah. the bosses are looking out for me after all.

dah lah tu. i pun hadirkan diri ke restaurant tu. menonton game ravens. betapa menariknya lah kan?! iissshhh...but without me putting any $ in the game, it's jz...not as exciting lah ;-P

apelah...customers tu bukan lah banyak.. tapi kena lah mempromosi sikit. iissshhhh macam lah pelacur... bla bla bla... slow but enjoyable night. tu memang i punya 1st night kerja jadi pelayan ;-P

dari restaurant i 'pecut' ke kelab hippo (malam untuk wanita lah...)...

i nak potongkan scenes yang tak usah lah kan... tarian tu je memang tarian lah. i pun takde 'cakap' dengan si dia... ataupun 'bermesra'...

yang aku fikirkan tetaplah si dia...

le lesbians wedding

after getting lost following the retarded GPS, i relied on the mama's direction to the reception ballroom. you wouldn't know how frustrated i was. damn GPS! damn chinese man's GPS! unreliable... urgh

say what would u go being seated with your ex (and her bf) at the same table. uh huh... even her mum called me to 'check'. hahaha... hush hush!

with too much kenny G's music throughout the 'waiting' for the brides...plus alcohol and some appetizers, i was trying to keep myself amused and awake. thank goodness for cherie and carla to keep the laughter and conversation going.

we couldn't help laughing when shannon showed up in her red vest, red tie, white shirt and black pants. a man walked up to her and asked about food... BWAHAHAHAHAHA! she really looked like the maitre de! and there we went...talking loudly, requesting her attention about the food we have. "yo, i have a problem with the chicken. overseasoned lah!"

at 9pm...we thought that's it. cherie came back and reported that it's gonna last til 11.30pm. what?! apparently there's a cake cutting and bouquet throwing. hhmmmmm nice...

finally the DJ played some dance music, starting with 'i gotta feeling'. wow, i was really dragging everyone out to dance. hahaha! bla bla bla...dance dance dance...

here comes the bouquet throwing. apparently only the single ladies are allowed but i don't know why was cherie doing getting ready to fight for the bouquet. anyway, emily threw them my direction. aiya! i got it. whoooopppssss... hey, i got the bouquet sue mooi threw too, back in 2004. i wasn't the one getting married after that... heck, i'm still so single and available. it's a bad luck. i'd say the gal getting the bouquet would b the last one getting married out of the bunch...

not that i don't wanna get married. but but...no one really wants me that bad... i'm just saying lah.

next came the 'groom' throwing a lil scrunchy. uhhh...what?! so, yaz caught it (i wasn't allowed to catch it coz i already got the bouquet... huh). since she's the mama, she refused to do the 'act'. omg...i had to sit down in front of everyone and the 'man' has to perform the wrap the scrunchy around my ankle and roll it up my thigh. whoa! if i had known better, i'd have ducked at the bouquet throwing! gee... cherie did the favor. phew! or else it'd b wrong...mama and daughter doing that thing. hahahaha

well, that's it for the night. i managed to drag the ex out for 'our' song "i kissed a gal". she was like...omg, i'm gonna get yelled at for doing this. pssshhhh! who cares?! u r in a lesbians wedding. be gay a lil!

really. that's it. no extravagant 10 course chinese dinner. jz some lasagna, meat balls, cheese, cracker, bread, oversalted marsala chicken, carrots and stringbeans cooked in butter, steamed red potatoes with parsley(?), roast beef and some crab dip (i could see lotsa mayonaise...eeeek!).

may the brides live happily ever after.

the end.

black and white

the night is silent with the sound of cars on the highway

nursing my 2nd miller lite

staring at the black and white keys of the piano by the bed

chuckles

reminiscing on the old days

how much has these keys taught me the way of life

how hard have i banged on them to let my emotions out

how gentle i've touched them as if caressing someone dear to my heart

con moto

pianissimo

piu mosso

sforzando

animato

espressivo

dolce

giocoso

non tanto

sempre passionato

rubato

forte piano

con brio

tranquillo

satisfaction aside

these black and white keys taught me true love.

current dilemma

here i am...still thinking about what the heck to wear for the lesbians wedding this saturday. it has been bothering me since weeks ago when i saw K and some of the crew at central.

me : "can i wear this shirt?"

K : "no."

:-O

it's a nice calvin klein shirt... dark khaki green... like the color of those old leaf (but not brown yet) you find in tropical forest... what the heck is the correct word for the damn color?! turqoise? uhhh....

anyway, it has been on my mind for quite sometime. as the date was drawing near, i was getting anxious... hey, a gal can be very anxious about what to wear on a big occasion lah!

1stly, i'm kinda broke right now because someone thinks that it's ok to owe me money for the longest time. moreover, the restaurant isn't packed with generous customers. if it is (or not), there are 'too' many servers to tend to the customers where waiting for the food from the kitchen is longer than the servers serving the food promptly. see how i'm using PRESENT tense? in short, if worse come to worse, only limited fabulous (sweet talker) servers are needed for the job.

what's my point again? oh yeah...brokeness. so, with all these jewish holidays where i'm forced to take vacations (coz restaurant has to be closed), i'm broke-r. there is no fucking way i am gonna spend money to buy any outfit/accessories for someone's big day. although i should. well...IF i'm comfortable with spending the money, i would. i gotta set aside some money for the wedding gift!?!

2ndly, with the limited money i have...i'd like to have those for my social outings. not that i spend extravaganzaly on gals at dinners or at the club. heck! if i'm well off, i'd splurge a lil to help the economy! ;-P well...i'm still helping the economy and the gay community by bringing my ass out at least once a week, spending lil money.

i think if there's another (judgemental) gal that ask me why am i always out at the gals night, i'm gonna throw this to her face.

"i don't have much money, but i DO know about recession and lousy economy! if i don't come out and pay that stupid cover charge and buy some beers, and IF everybody who is broke doesn't come out, where the gay community gonna have their hangout nights, b***h?!! i aint here for some booties!"
*flings head to the side and walks away*

3rdly, i've been quite androgenous lately...say about 3 years ago. in another words, i look tomboyish. cute tomboy. i'd even have gay guy take his second look at me just to make sure what gender am i. lol.

"you're (she's) soooooo cute!" is a compliment i always hear at least once a week. heh.

but only my close friends know that although i look butch (some says player) on the outside, i'm so femme (so far i'm always the one being played) on the inside. it's very true. the first time i heard that revelation from a close friend, i almost cried (in gratitute of knowing/understanding me). so, in terms of dressing up, i'd b more attractive and comfortable with a non-so-femme-clothes ;-) well...occasionally i'd put on make up...but don't ask me when, i kinda forgot ;-P uummm...yeah.

lastly, that baju kebaya (malay traditional outfit) has to go. i'm gonna wear shirt, tie and pants. with my blings ;-P and chucks! gotta be frugal lah. lol

tales of roomates (part 1)

being the only child (ummm...i like to call myself being the only child coz most of my childhood days were spent ummm...with me playing/entertaining/doing stuff with myself in the house and fortunately with kids in the neighborhood) can be lonely. but i've grew up with a household and neighborhood of 'busy-ness'. phew! those human noise brought me comfort--chi is not alone ;-)

i've never found so much joy of living/sleeping with someone my age until the first day of university. well...before that first day, occasionally i could have a 'sister' (band member) to spend the night over at the house but really, it doesn't count when it comes to spending days with roomate(s) ;-)

no, i don't think i was that gay yet. i just missed the having-siblings-to-spend-time-with moments. :-P

living in a big dorm (say...approximately 4 gals in a room, 32 rooms to a floor and 5 floors to a dorm building) at UPM was like an academia + gals fiesta! LMAO. let's do the math.

4 x 32 x 5 = 640

wow!!! let's jz say about 600 gals in a building. and there were alot of buildings in my dorm complex. what about parking? well...most students were from poor family, so the bus is always packed. some could afford motorbykes and cars. my 21st birthday gift was my 1st car--a new hatchback proton iswara (my 'pimpin' car. lol)

with the convenience of the car, i could have stayed home (which was only 20 mins drive from home). BUT i wanted to live with the gals on campus...at the dorm for the ENTIRE study years! i love having roomates and neighbors i could bug and hangout with until wee hours...until everyone was tired of me. when they slept, i studied ;-P

very much a social butterfly.

SH : "do you know people jz acknowledge me as 'PC's roomate' coz they can't remember my name? you're too damn popular for people to remember my own name lah."

me : "o really?! *laugh* wow...i'm sorry."

my entire 3 yrs at UPM, i stuck with SH. she's sucha great roomate. motherly kind. :-) well, we take care of each others anyway. and gals across the room too. when i was so sick with flu, they'd make me porridge, make me herbal tea and do my assignment(s) for me! i used to love taking naps on SH's bed (coz i'd 'save' my own bed for deep slumber), using her desk to study (coz mine was full with entertainment stuff--computer, tv, games, speakers) and eat dinner. she'd come back to the room and sorta 'yelled' at me for eating strong smell stuff at her desk. hahaha...but we do love each other long time ;-) she knew i love the comfort (and convenience) of 'her' side of room!

CS was 'invited' from next room because she's pretty (yeah...she looks a bit like the famous HK actress that married a rich tycoon) and cool and being half my coursemate, means i could have more help in getting notes and tips in studying ;-P

we had 2 engineering roomates. omg...i can't even remember their names now. one was fun. one was sooooo serious. the fun one laughed so hard in her sleep one night we (uh...i was still up, studying) all woke up and WTH happened? what a funny shock. lol

FC was a year younger than us. i remember us picking on each other. o boy, all of us love to yell at each other to rant it off. love is bonded that way, believe me. loud love? hahaha... it's the chinese way :-P

me : "why are your fingers soooo meaty? *pokes at FC's fingers*

FC : "OI!!!!!! go 'die aside' you!"

omg...she wanted to slap me. hahahaha... i can't remember her come back nasty comment about me but it's darn funny.

years later... i was already in US.

SH : "do you know what FC did?"

me : "what?"

SH : "she got married. like there's nothing better to play with..."

me : "whoaaaaaa... LMAO"

see, we LOVE picking on each other out of love ;-)

i have to tell you other gals roomate(s) on my same floor. yeah, i knocked on doors to kepoh back in the days :-P soooo weirdly amusing!

say...

we saw a gal that washed her feet (one at a time, of course) in the sink we wash our face and brush our teeth at. omg...the hassle of lifting her leg to wash it...isn't it easier to wash in the toilet/laundry area where there's a faucet 1-2 feet from the ground...

we had a communal bathrooms/toilets/laundry area (where we hand wash our clothes).

PP's roomate was another (princess) weirdo. she'd apply lotion to her legs as thick as 1 cm and let it 'absorbed', taking hours to do her laundry coz she would just let physics do its job--mainly soaking and rinsing ALOT. brushing and scrubbing hurt her dainty fingers... and more absurdly (and sooo rudely), she'd hang her dripping wet underwears above her roomate's desk... OMG! not to mention closing the door loudly during her early morning classes... wow...we love talking about her. heh

there's one time Rainbow walked in the door and i was there in her room, on top of CM, giving her a back massage. hahaha... we were giving each other massage. uhhh...it was odd... but we love easing each others' knots and sore from our vigorous activities. hahahaha

there were times i got a car full of gals to go to ladies night in downtown and had to come back at dawn (when the gate finally reopens. we had curfew...). the guard thought some of us were whoring outside. eeeeewwww! we could have slapped or reported him!

good ol UPM days... ;-)

channels

it's been sucha long time since i penned down anything. i'm sorry to myself for the absence in writing...a catharsis of thoughts and emotions. so much have happened in this lapse of time that it's kinda hard to fill in the experiences in timely form.

i'll try.

let's start with how much i've learned and grown (wisely, not vertical or horizontal :-P).

people cross path for a reason OR it could be mere coincidental. but i do believe that everyone i meet, see, interact and have levels of connection happen for a reason--fate. the moment(s) adds another learning opportunity for either intellect and/or wisdom. and of course extra strands of gray hair. haha.

what i've learned in this absence of blogging:

patience

respect for someone i like for her decisions

if things are better said in action, keep the mouth shut

be more responsible when it comes to drinking just so no one gets hurt in any way

the heavy burden (responsibility) to repay the debt of gratitude to one's parent

it's unfair to bring personal problems (negativities) to work

naiveness to trust people that leads to one's frustration and pain

true friends are always around if they want you to be their true friend--reciprocity

revelations on own life conditions

always being optimistic about 'the one' out there--faith

never give up on standing up after every fall

it's ok things don't go the way one wants coz no one can escape from the law of the universe (karma).

some of my best friends said i'm so one of the kind for being dramatic, silly, dorky, smart, talented, absurd, cute, whiney, naughty, and rude (etc..) at times. i take all those as a compliment...good and bad. ummm...more good than bad of course ;-)

you know, we are (as a human being) a body of material after all. just as a comparison/metaphor... in physics (material science precisely), an alloy is always better and stronger than pure metal. heh ;-)

sometimes i'm skeptical about going in rabbit holes... i'm afraid i'm not that courageous to take the pain... o well, but if i do, i will certainly have my friends to share the adventures with!

short note to bear in mind

I had a crazy weekend, it spanned from wednesday night-saturday night. I went out to clubs, 4 nights in a row. Taking my minds off something I guess. Confirming where should I go I guess.

I saw and experienced some human conditions, emotions, spur-of-the-moments, feelings swayed by the environment, decisions made out of conscience and moral values and meaning of love, life and relationships.

Wednesday night was fully devoted to T and how we can fully support each other with a strong bond. If dance is the ultimate way to express oneself, I love the way we move.

Thursday was full of freebies. I'm very grateful of the many people who love me for who I am. Free hook-ups on coffee, food, drinks. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Attentions I got was reassured of how strong and loved I am in the society/environment I put myself in. Kept telling myself that love is all around. However, sometimes love hurts...when you give too much. I worked that out in dance and at the gym later that night...

Friday night was another replacing someone off my mind--trying to forget and keeping it cool. Brought a cute cowboy marine out as my companion. Met J again. It was very hard not to dance and talk to her for her top that said "tasty peaches, homemade". I know where I was stepping on. Told myself not to do it. I kept my lips away due to respects, love and friendship. Cowboy had a blast with the L gals. Sent him off to Comfort Inn near me.

Saturday was another catharsis day. Loved and missed my drums at M's. Band practice provided another channel to lash it out. I don't know what or who I am without art, music, performance arts...although how much knowlegde or intellect I have in me. I chose to live life to fullest as a human, not a robot. Anyway, I brought cowboy to Sapphos at Central--showed him another gay scene. Protected him the best I could--standing up/defending his sexuality, commanded that he goes to the ladies room and teaching him to learn how to respect his seniors and the fine lines of dealing with people. I kept myself to my own pants although I could have blooped on a fine military lady. Respect and give. Sent cowboy back to Comfort Inn after carryout at McD. Thirsty, tired and hungry, BUT I'm very proud that we behaved.

Sunday was relaxing. Pushed myself to attend a big Buddhist meeting 40 mins away from home. I made it, although I was late. Duh. Sorry, but I can be a lazy ass baby. Hehe! Of all the things and spectacle I saw there, I was contemplating, reflecting, reminding and reassured of where I came from. I was truly touched by the some words--tolerance and generosity, that's the Buddhist way. I was very touched by various performances too--the kids' performance, youths walking across the stage (yes, peter brook said that even a person walking across the stage IS a performance) and pledging their resolution/goal in life and DC dancer's rendition/performance of the song "APOLOGIZE". Realizing that I have/should have a vast heart, I called K, M, L, C, D, L, S, J and Cl.

Although things might not go my way but I have enough love hugs and voice today to reassure that I'm a fabulous, multi-talented, cute and lovable person.

TOLERANCE and GENEROSITY weigh upon me, for now. :)

if dreams are made of...

if dreams are made of
my own creation
i must muster
my everything
to bring it to fruitation

you know
we're different beings
somehow there's resonance
good or bad
compatibility
similar interest
do you deserve....
me

i want perfect level
perfect height
sitting or standing
are you there?

32 flavors of baskin robbins
you know your flavor
what flavor am i to you
i don't know if i can sacrifice other flavors
sticking only to one flavor
i'm willing to give my best

a journey starts with a step
stillness is the beginning of a movement
right here waiting
put your best food forward
let me see it
glistening eyes
let me see the happiness
no regrets

uncertainties in life
i understand it completely
do i embrace
and accept it
only with painful heart

if dreams are made of
my imagination
i won't be afraid
to surmount whatever comes my way
the vines grow strong and deep
as it age

ways of touch
literally or metaphorically
i know
how to touch
pushing the right buttons
i know how to keep the distance
just so you're comfortable
happy with my touch

intimacy can be felt
feet apart
longings can be felt
distance away
but oh boy
how i'm so wanton
securing myself

struggles keeping my soul
i'm such an angel
sacrificing myself til it hurts
badly
the halo weighs upon my head
must be good

if dreams are made of...
i'd choose happiness and peace

A Little Catharsis

I'm fortunate enough to have many channels for catharsis.

Lashing it out whether in front of the mirror, in the shower, running my fingers on the piano playing like a (romantic) maniac, drumming my soul away, drinking my ass off, working strenously at the gym, writing/typing my ass off, and/or making great/comfort food ARE my way of 'releasing'.

Does it take talent/skill for catharsis? Errrmmm...for me, it comes naturally. I guess it differs from individual to individual. You've gotta discover that's best for you, yourself. ;-P

Some people, however, DO need catalyst in this aspect. I don't know...but right now I'm sure that I can/will be providing the catalyst... If you find that I'm your kind of catalyst, feel free to hook up with me. bwahahahaha! fyi, i can be pretty crazy and MEAN! ;-P

I have something to say...perhaps better in poetry...

If I don't use it, I lose it

I have been away...I put my pen down, somewhere. Feeling grateful to some people, I decided to sharpen my mind with readings and (yes!) penning down my thoughts and feelings.

Don't you think that when you are away from school for quite some time, books and writings seem a little bit awkward and rusty? I feel lazy to write. Sometimes I'm amazed at how slow I can scribble ugly handwriting!

Urgh.

I'm aware that I have a depth of knowledge within myself but sometimes summoning up information takes difficulty and errrr...embarrassment. Alcohol DOES kill brain cells... *sigh* However, discovering own writings written months/years ago brought back rememberance and reminiscence.

So I was telling a dear friend of mine, K, about my blog(s). She keenly and instantly looked it up with high curiosity. *chuckles*

*aside*

I read it somewhere--the brain is the largest sex organ. I agree. Having constructive agreements/interests/points of views in conversation DOES turn one on in several aspects. Sometimes you don't even have to 'go there' but it is amazing how refreshing, lifting and empowering a constructive dialogue can make you. You are TURNED ON intellectually/mentally. I would say prefer this more although I DO like to being turned on sexually. Hahaha!

There's a distinction of being a human being and an animal... ;-P

So back to what I was trying to say. Showing her my penned thoughts has reminded me of how how HOW (slightly) different of me--now, and while I was in school. I can't help but feeling a little ashamed of how intellectually I am.

I'm a feeling and action person. Afterall, action speaks louder than words. However, no matter how you see it, I still think that you need to find an equilibrium between the actions and words...

Reading my own poems reminded me of my all-rounderness, my capability to exert my best qualities/skills and of WHO I AM.

Can you imagine

can you imagine if i tell you i doubt if i can still write/type?

can you imagine if what i'm saying here is true?

i haven't put down my thoughts and emotions in words for such a long time. forgive me. all these while i chose other medium(s) for catharsis--playing piano, working out, cooking...

am i better in piano? you bet. developing more muscles? you bet. getting better in making delicious food? i'm living up 'chi can cook'. ;-)

so much to do to improve myself. to better myself. to love myself. to strengthen myself. and at times, i wonder...how would it be like to share all these with a lover/gf.

sometimes i don't know how NOT to be wild and bad. but then again, i told myself to behave. why throw my value system away...it's just a phase of life (being bad). again and again i reminded myself. it's a great thing to have something profound and truthful and deep and sound to fall back.

heck, i do love the song "i wanna fuck you". opppsss...

can you imagine i've consumed more than US$10k worth of wine last year? yes, all those fancy and expensive and RARE french wines. everytime i consume some, i feel like i'm coating myself with gold.

i finally got my expensive birthday gift last week (after half a year gone by). can you imagine me wearing a pearl necklace with a matching pearl earrings (my best friend said it's a classic design). when i wore it i had to remind myself in front of the mirror that i'm a gal... oh well, i told myself that i'm a boyish gal. i think i can pull it off with a (girlish) pearl and some shirt and pants and a nice malay shawl (it's from a kebaya outfit i owned) ;-) heh, i actually look superb and 'statement-making'! i shall debut my pearl-ly outfit this weekend at a wine auction at Daniel Restaurant in NYC. Fyi, Daniel is one of the top restaurants in the world! OMG...omg...omg.

can you imagine i spent 7-8 hours waiting without food (luckily i had some sweets) and drinks (i had limited water) and NO toilet breaks at Times Square, NYC for the 2007 countdown. torturing! agonizing! ridiculous, at some point. i almost gave up waiting. in the end, i pushed myself and finally i'm happy to announce that i MADE it. unbelievable experience, but i'd only do it once in my life. next time, i'm gonna watch it on tv.

sea of people. what a crazy night.

can you imagine that i'm a copper blondie now. haha. yes, i am. a gal told me i look great and surprised to find that i'm still single and available. oh well...i wonder why too.

omg, such long absence!

i apologize for being MIA for so long. gee...when was the last time i blogged? ah, don't mention.

so...what have i been doing. let me fill you in, in summary. well, stuffs that i can recall lah.

april:

- good thing going with L, my ex. some stuffs we've worked on and we both felt good about it. what?! ah...no, we're not together. just friends...

......

- busy with rehearsals and play--'65 days: adrift in sea'.

may:

- spending more time with the 'girlfriends' before everyone leave home for the summer break.
- anticipating my birthday.
- celebrating my birthday 3 days in a row (yeah, like a princess! :P) with one very expensive dinner that cost a few thousand dollars in one of the most expensive restaurant in town. ehem...:P
- hung out even more with malaysian friend
- hosting and attending (my so-called) thespians and lesbians parties. WOOHOO!
- anticipating Senior Ceremony (a ceremony where Towson Uni's Theatre Dept. honors all graduating seniors)
- DONE with senior ceremony.
- anticipating commencement/convocation/graduation.
- did a stupid thing--'objectifying' my friend(s) and i felt very ashamed of myself.
- godsister, A, came down from boston, SURPRISINGLY!, to attend my convo. aawwwwww...she represented the whole wide world to me :)
- DC visit with A and W (the male hongkie best friend i have here)

june

- anticipating the production of 'Welcome to Micronesia' where i'll be assistant directing and stage managing. whoaaarrrrgggghhhh! so anxious!
- finally went to a beach--june 14! looking sexy in bikini ;P
- i didn't call my dad to wish him Happy Father's Day. bad me. and i'm still NOT gonna call. why? i don't know...don't feel like it.

ok, this is just a summary of what's going on and what went on. i'll fill in later. soooooo sleepy... it's almost 6am!!!