current dilemma

here i am...still thinking about what the heck to wear for the lesbians wedding this saturday. it has been bothering me since weeks ago when i saw K and some of the crew at central.

me : "can i wear this shirt?"

K : "no."

:-O

it's a nice calvin klein shirt... dark khaki green... like the color of those old leaf (but not brown yet) you find in tropical forest... what the heck is the correct word for the damn color?! turqoise? uhhh....

anyway, it has been on my mind for quite sometime. as the date was drawing near, i was getting anxious... hey, a gal can be very anxious about what to wear on a big occasion lah!

1stly, i'm kinda broke right now because someone thinks that it's ok to owe me money for the longest time. moreover, the restaurant isn't packed with generous customers. if it is (or not), there are 'too' many servers to tend to the customers where waiting for the food from the kitchen is longer than the servers serving the food promptly. see how i'm using PRESENT tense? in short, if worse come to worse, only limited fabulous (sweet talker) servers are needed for the job.

what's my point again? oh yeah...brokeness. so, with all these jewish holidays where i'm forced to take vacations (coz restaurant has to be closed), i'm broke-r. there is no fucking way i am gonna spend money to buy any outfit/accessories for someone's big day. although i should. well...IF i'm comfortable with spending the money, i would. i gotta set aside some money for the wedding gift!?!

2ndly, with the limited money i have...i'd like to have those for my social outings. not that i spend extravaganzaly on gals at dinners or at the club. heck! if i'm well off, i'd splurge a lil to help the economy! ;-P well...i'm still helping the economy and the gay community by bringing my ass out at least once a week, spending lil money.

i think if there's another (judgemental) gal that ask me why am i always out at the gals night, i'm gonna throw this to her face.

"i don't have much money, but i DO know about recession and lousy economy! if i don't come out and pay that stupid cover charge and buy some beers, and IF everybody who is broke doesn't come out, where the gay community gonna have their hangout nights, b***h?!! i aint here for some booties!"
*flings head to the side and walks away*

3rdly, i've been quite androgenous lately...say about 3 years ago. in another words, i look tomboyish. cute tomboy. i'd even have gay guy take his second look at me just to make sure what gender am i. lol.

"you're (she's) soooooo cute!" is a compliment i always hear at least once a week. heh.

but only my close friends know that although i look butch (some says player) on the outside, i'm so femme (so far i'm always the one being played) on the inside. it's very true. the first time i heard that revelation from a close friend, i almost cried (in gratitute of knowing/understanding me). so, in terms of dressing up, i'd b more attractive and comfortable with a non-so-femme-clothes ;-) well...occasionally i'd put on make up...but don't ask me when, i kinda forgot ;-P uummm...yeah.

lastly, that baju kebaya (malay traditional outfit) has to go. i'm gonna wear shirt, tie and pants. with my blings ;-P and chucks! gotta be frugal lah. lol

tales of roomates (part 1)

being the only child (ummm...i like to call myself being the only child coz most of my childhood days were spent ummm...with me playing/entertaining/doing stuff with myself in the house and fortunately with kids in the neighborhood) can be lonely. but i've grew up with a household and neighborhood of 'busy-ness'. phew! those human noise brought me comfort--chi is not alone ;-)

i've never found so much joy of living/sleeping with someone my age until the first day of university. well...before that first day, occasionally i could have a 'sister' (band member) to spend the night over at the house but really, it doesn't count when it comes to spending days with roomate(s) ;-)

no, i don't think i was that gay yet. i just missed the having-siblings-to-spend-time-with moments. :-P

living in a big dorm (say...approximately 4 gals in a room, 32 rooms to a floor and 5 floors to a dorm building) at UPM was like an academia + gals fiesta! LMAO. let's do the math.

4 x 32 x 5 = 640

wow!!! let's jz say about 600 gals in a building. and there were alot of buildings in my dorm complex. what about parking? well...most students were from poor family, so the bus is always packed. some could afford motorbykes and cars. my 21st birthday gift was my 1st car--a new hatchback proton iswara (my 'pimpin' car. lol)

with the convenience of the car, i could have stayed home (which was only 20 mins drive from home). BUT i wanted to live with the gals on campus...at the dorm for the ENTIRE study years! i love having roomates and neighbors i could bug and hangout with until wee hours...until everyone was tired of me. when they slept, i studied ;-P

very much a social butterfly.

SH : "do you know people jz acknowledge me as 'PC's roomate' coz they can't remember my name? you're too damn popular for people to remember my own name lah."

me : "o really?! *laugh* wow...i'm sorry."

my entire 3 yrs at UPM, i stuck with SH. she's sucha great roomate. motherly kind. :-) well, we take care of each others anyway. and gals across the room too. when i was so sick with flu, they'd make me porridge, make me herbal tea and do my assignment(s) for me! i used to love taking naps on SH's bed (coz i'd 'save' my own bed for deep slumber), using her desk to study (coz mine was full with entertainment stuff--computer, tv, games, speakers) and eat dinner. she'd come back to the room and sorta 'yelled' at me for eating strong smell stuff at her desk. hahaha...but we do love each other long time ;-) she knew i love the comfort (and convenience) of 'her' side of room!

CS was 'invited' from next room because she's pretty (yeah...she looks a bit like the famous HK actress that married a rich tycoon) and cool and being half my coursemate, means i could have more help in getting notes and tips in studying ;-P

we had 2 engineering roomates. omg...i can't even remember their names now. one was fun. one was sooooo serious. the fun one laughed so hard in her sleep one night we (uh...i was still up, studying) all woke up and WTH happened? what a funny shock. lol

FC was a year younger than us. i remember us picking on each other. o boy, all of us love to yell at each other to rant it off. love is bonded that way, believe me. loud love? hahaha... it's the chinese way :-P

me : "why are your fingers soooo meaty? *pokes at FC's fingers*

FC : "OI!!!!!! go 'die aside' you!"

omg...she wanted to slap me. hahahaha... i can't remember her come back nasty comment about me but it's darn funny.

years later... i was already in US.

SH : "do you know what FC did?"

me : "what?"

SH : "she got married. like there's nothing better to play with..."

me : "whoaaaaaa... LMAO"

see, we LOVE picking on each other out of love ;-)

i have to tell you other gals roomate(s) on my same floor. yeah, i knocked on doors to kepoh back in the days :-P soooo weirdly amusing!

say...

we saw a gal that washed her feet (one at a time, of course) in the sink we wash our face and brush our teeth at. omg...the hassle of lifting her leg to wash it...isn't it easier to wash in the toilet/laundry area where there's a faucet 1-2 feet from the ground...

we had a communal bathrooms/toilets/laundry area (where we hand wash our clothes).

PP's roomate was another (princess) weirdo. she'd apply lotion to her legs as thick as 1 cm and let it 'absorbed', taking hours to do her laundry coz she would just let physics do its job--mainly soaking and rinsing ALOT. brushing and scrubbing hurt her dainty fingers... and more absurdly (and sooo rudely), she'd hang her dripping wet underwears above her roomate's desk... OMG! not to mention closing the door loudly during her early morning classes... wow...we love talking about her. heh

there's one time Rainbow walked in the door and i was there in her room, on top of CM, giving her a back massage. hahaha... we were giving each other massage. uhhh...it was odd... but we love easing each others' knots and sore from our vigorous activities. hahahaha

there were times i got a car full of gals to go to ladies night in downtown and had to come back at dawn (when the gate finally reopens. we had curfew...). the guard thought some of us were whoring outside. eeeeewwww! we could have slapped or reported him!

good ol UPM days... ;-)

channels

it's been sucha long time since i penned down anything. i'm sorry to myself for the absence in writing...a catharsis of thoughts and emotions. so much have happened in this lapse of time that it's kinda hard to fill in the experiences in timely form.

i'll try.

let's start with how much i've learned and grown (wisely, not vertical or horizontal :-P).

people cross path for a reason OR it could be mere coincidental. but i do believe that everyone i meet, see, interact and have levels of connection happen for a reason--fate. the moment(s) adds another learning opportunity for either intellect and/or wisdom. and of course extra strands of gray hair. haha.

what i've learned in this absence of blogging:

patience

respect for someone i like for her decisions

if things are better said in action, keep the mouth shut

be more responsible when it comes to drinking just so no one gets hurt in any way

the heavy burden (responsibility) to repay the debt of gratitude to one's parent

it's unfair to bring personal problems (negativities) to work

naiveness to trust people that leads to one's frustration and pain

true friends are always around if they want you to be their true friend--reciprocity

revelations on own life conditions

always being optimistic about 'the one' out there--faith

never give up on standing up after every fall

it's ok things don't go the way one wants coz no one can escape from the law of the universe (karma).

some of my best friends said i'm so one of the kind for being dramatic, silly, dorky, smart, talented, absurd, cute, whiney, naughty, and rude (etc..) at times. i take all those as a compliment...good and bad. ummm...more good than bad of course ;-)

you know, we are (as a human being) a body of material after all. just as a comparison/metaphor... in physics (material science precisely), an alloy is always better and stronger than pure metal. heh ;-)

sometimes i'm skeptical about going in rabbit holes... i'm afraid i'm not that courageous to take the pain... o well, but if i do, i will certainly have my friends to share the adventures with!