Psycho

I was so mad when N called me, twice! when I was still sleeping. Gosh...I wondered what he wanted...at hoon (yeah, I'm sucha sleeping (babe) beauty, always waiting and hoping 'that' someone will kiss awake, yeah...all over til I 'explode' (whoa!) from the passion - my way of waking up, no snoozing, no annoying and monotonous alarm). I could have picked up the phone and @#$#$!&^% at him. Hem, hem... I could have picked up the phone in a very sexy sleeping voice (and make him excited, thinking...) and be nice. But I chose to ignore the call, chuck it under Patrick (the dog), swear under my breath, and went back to my sexy voice over passionate kissing with...hem, hem...a dream, okay? Oh, how sweet... Gee, got me excited already. Stop! Aiya!

He called again around 5pm, told me he's going to Sheppard Pratt - a mental hospital beside my Uni. He's gonna admit himself there, for about a week. Gee, what happened? "my brain's fucked up". Huh?! How...what...wait, he's been chanting alot (he told) and still he couldn't get over the stuff - depression? I'd really wanna know what's his prayer. He said everyone knew about the hospital, except me. Oh okay, nice of him to inform me... After all, I'm concern about him too, AND THE PERFORMANCE this Sunday! He's supposed to perform in a wind brass quartet at Baltimore Youth Fiesta/Festival/Cookout (organized by SGI-USA-Baltimore).

His call left me in guilt, somehow. I felt sorry for him... I couldn't possibly have driven him crazy, could I? I personally don't hink I'm the major cause/influence, but I dare not say I don't 'add' to his 'fucked-up-brain'. Look what I've done now... Urgh! I've been wanting to tell him I'm not interested and I just 'came out' from a...er...well, you know.

He called again, at night, from S.Pratt, telling me he's ok...but need to do some tests. How ok the not ok. Ironic-nya. Then he told me to spread the news to other members in our district - chant for him, visit him. Oh? How contradicting, didn't he say everybody knew, EXCEPT me?! I asked. He said no one knows, only me. Whoa... I nearly fell off my bed (hmm...what was I doing in bed, I forgot :P, oh yeah, reading lesbian book). Back to the story ;P, I hung up, thinking who shall I call to spread the news. Ok, I called Ms Love since she has known him for a very long time. She sounded casual (like a 'oh well...there he goes again' instead of a really concern and excited punctuated with a gasp). I asked. Then I knew, it's not his first time. I could sense that she's upset it happens again. Should we go visit him? I could also sense the reluctance. Never mind... If I go, it'll make his heart leap, do I wanna do that? What if he can't take the blow and drop dead just like that, eee!

It's Monday now. No phonecall. I hope he's still alive at S.Pratt.