Gals I Want...befriend
"You are such a giving person, do you know that?" -Dr J.
True, I would sheepishly admit that. I'd do that pay-it-forward thing. I've certainly had some takings (in various aspects in my life) and I don't mind giving to people that I love.
I can be very stingy and generous at the same time--to different people.
Should there be 'a shrimp hiding behind a rock' (from the Malay proverb--udang di sebalik batu) in this taking and giving concept? Yes and no. You go figure out.
I felt silly sometimes in reaching out--giving, and ambiguous of my wanting. But then, at the end of the day...I'd tell myself...reminding myself that I should cherish the friendship connection/relationship instead. Friends are treasure in life. Hence I shouldn't be too calculative in 'exchanging' treasure for treasure (not that one can really buy friendship). It really boils down to SINCERITY and GENUINE love.
I have recently (gone far out) wrapped a big rose bouquet for a gal, LL. My cyber lesbian friend already yelled at me, "she's STRAIGHT. STRAIGHT, STRAIGHT, STRAIGHT!" a couple times but I still...you know, 'treasuring' her in an 'unfriendly' way.
Great OLD (expensive) wines. Expensive restaurant. Home-cooked meals. Flowers.
"You are very nurturing." -Dr J.
Is this a bad quality to have in a person? It's unbelievable someone would describe me that. If I'm so nurturing, why the gal I love not reciprocating?
*shakes head*
Sometimes I just want to cry at what I've done, what I have and what I don't have.
posted by lotsachi @ 3:10 AM
6 Comments:
chi, i didn't really know u that much till i've read thru ur blog. Well, hope i didn't get u wrong, i personally find u very strong and passionate gal. Find ur true happiness by wanting what u have, not having what u want, or rather appreciate ur ownself more. Cheer up k, life goes on with a lot a lot n a lot more best things for u only if u move on the right way ;) nothing to be sad about what is gone, as u havent seen whats the best in future, will never know, live life with full of hopes ;)
wow! for seconds i was speechless. never occured to me that these words would come out of you, YW. thank you for your understanding, wisdom and encouragement.
you're right. i've never experienced what's best (for me) in the future... and yes, i'll definitely work towards it.
well... i would love to tell u to just be urself. do what is in your heart. give when u feel like giving. dun hold back!
but then again, remember our conversation about stiffling r/ships (or something to that effect)?
but whatever u do, at the end of the day, dun feel sad or silly if u don't get the expected reaction or appreciation. however worthless it may seem at the time, the hearts (of ur recipients) would've been touched. sometimes, that in itself is enough, don't u think?
Nope, not a negative quality at all. We can only choose to give but we can't dictate how the receiver would react, can we? We have hopes and expectations, but giving with expectations can be very exhausting... Chi, I salute you for your courage in giving so generously. Who knows someday, it shall be your turn to receive! ;P
sue: u need to elaborate on the stiffling relationship--refresh my memory. was it about L and how she treated/treats me?
yeah, dr J said something assuring, "i hope one day she'll call u up and really speak her heart and soul out and appreciate about all you've done for her."
*eyes cast down*
carinasuyin: thanks, you're right. i'm waiting for it!
yeah, i guess it was abt L. hehehe... history, huh?
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