How can I let go...

I woke up looking 'piggie-face' with such a swollen eyes that I couldn't opened it fully. Sucha 'beaten up' face. So sad, so gloomy, so 'spiritless'... Nevertheless, I had to go out and face the world (the kids and colleagues at theatre camp). I wished I could just stay home and zombie alone...

It's so painful to hear the words coming from her mouth. Made me felt hopeless and worthless, and I cried my heart out. Of course, most of the time it's more towards self-blaming - my poor karma. I felt (still feeling!) so fragile and shattered. Lucky to have the space to wept loudly without disturbing my roomate(s). But kinda sad not to have a shoulder to cry on. No one to tell me 'it's okay, let it out'...and give me a hug... :(

Don't know how long these remorseful feeling will last. As I was sitting at my job, and deleting the history (messages) of L, I could sense that I was making that action to 'erase' her from my memory. Ain't important anymore. Things will never be the same again.

I feel so rejected........ :`(