new year experience

i was supposed to write this on the day itself. but then...as anybody who knows me (well enough), as i know myself... should i or should i not write. anyway...

december 31 2004, the last day of 2004 - the year of total victory. how many victories i've got? ....... well, writing this to the sound of keiko lee singing 'new york state of mind' and 'what a difference a day make' really helps. hehe. ok, victories. yeah, plenty of them, small and big. but the point is, i don't feel so happy/good about that 2 'victories' i didn't get (yet).

the tsunami disaster was devastating. i feel so sorry and sad for the people who are affected, died, missing...etc. seeing the images of that in the tv, internet and newspaper really is so disheartened.

december 31 2004, i was supposed to have a small party with J, K and A here at the apartment. earlier that day, i went out with Js...hhmmmm, where did we go...shopping for badminton racquet, yeah. came back, went to starbucks next door, invited him for dinner of chicken porridge (he didn't know what's a porridge).

the lot went out for dinner at a japanese restaurant...takde pun diajak, tapi takpelah, i pun tak nak gi lah, bukannya banyak duit belanja i. Js invited me for his celebration but i politely said no. he thought i was gonna spend the countdown with the them at home. and they thought i was gonna spend it with Js. in the end, i stayed home. i wanted to stay home. i wanted to 'connect' with the 'familiar faces of my comrades at home'...through memory and feeling that i AM with them. i wanted to be by myself... to reflect and rejuvenate and start a fresh...

when it's almost midnight, i turned on the tv, switched to 'live from times square'. then i pulled out the vacuum cleaner and vacuumed the apartment. cleaned and scrubbed the bathroom. by the stroke of midnight, i flushed everything down the toilet. happy and unhappy moments, victory and regret moments. happy new year. lit a candle and went to take a shower. did gongyo and daimoku.

what a way to countdown to a new year. like in chinese saying, 'gao si, chung sai lok chi so'. a cleansing and spiritual solidarity celebration.