tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85311732024-03-08T16:23:44.591-05:00drop inlotsachihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07041621273955296541noreply@blogger.comBlogger107125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8531173.post-88110696360858822742009-10-16T03:49:00.002-04:002009-10-16T04:44:43.416-04:00Moral Education (anyone?)you'd take things for granted as you grow (older) UNTIL some incidents hit you hard and bring you to some contemplations and revelations.<br /><br />i've been in the US for more than 5 years. i have observed enough to share what i wanna say now.<br /><br />to most malaysians, our education system might seem not so perfect in bringing us up as the model human being. yes, one can always argue his/her way on this subject. as a non-malay malaysian myself, to have moral education as one of my 'required' subjects to study seems like any other subjects--to educate me as a whole (good) person...especially living in a multiracial country....ummm...how to behave appropriately, morally. ;-)<br /><br />for those who doesn't understand our education system. moral education is part of the main subjects to study since 1st grade-11th grade (it's in the standardized nationwide examination!). and what do we study?<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">The moral education curriculum is designed around ten values:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">physical and mental cleanliness</span>,<br />- cleansing is a must. not just because we're near the equator where the weather is always hot and humid :-P<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">consideration,</span><br />- consider others' need and feelings. be compassionate and put oneself in others' shoes<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">moderation,</span><br />- do not boast. do not take advantage of the weaker ones. i have one in chinese saying, 'if u aint got a big head, do not wear a big hat'. lol<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">diligence,</span><br />- 1% talent + 99% hard work = key to success<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">thankfulness,</span><br />- always be grateful of what we have dear to ourselves. it brings people together--being thankful/grateful, humble :-)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">trustworthiness,</span><br />- how much time and effort one must invest to gain trust of others? action always speaks louder than words...<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">fairness,</span><br />- injustice brings anger and frustration to others<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">affection/love,</span><br />- there are subcategories to this: parental love, siblings love, friends love, neighborly/community love, lover's love, nation's love. wow...how we MUST have distinctive lines and actions correspondingly!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">respect,</span><br />- also, subcategories: respect the elders(!), respect the teachers(!), respect others...<br /><br />and <span style="font-weight: bold;">society. </span></span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">- gather all the above values and put them in the society--peace and harmony</span> ;-)<br /><br />we were given alot of case scenarios which test our moral ability to seek out the most rightful way to response according to the given situations. oh boy...how we use to laugh at our righteous and silly answers--what's right to do and hell do we do that in real? <span style="font-style: italic;">nooooo... maybe...</span> ;-P<br /><br />but at least the whole nation are somewhat educated morally. lol<br /><br />now this made me think that perhaps USA could learn a little from a little multiracial 3rd world country. i have seen many people having difficulties 'behaving'. i'm not gonna pinpoint anyone right now, but i would say that it's alot healthier for the entire nation to at least learn these fundamental values to become a better person for peace, harmony and the betterment of the society.<br /><br />ALL ABOUT WORKING FOR WORLD PEACE in our little humble ways ;-)lotsachihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07041621273955296541noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8531173.post-20610016529414982192009-10-16T02:37:00.002-04:002009-10-16T03:20:55.219-04:00the past 3 days<span style="font-weight: bold;">Part 1:</span><br /><br />so my right eye has been twitching for the past 3 days.<br /><br />according to the old housewives tales, twitch on the right eye means disaster/bad thing is around the corner or is happening right a the moment AND twitch on the left eye means fortune/prosperity...<br /><br />the first thing that popped into my mind was my mum. :-O <span style="font-style: italic;">OMG is she alright???</span> we do have some kinda telepathy thing going on.<br /><br />the second thing that popped into my mind was about myself. am i gonna get hurt in some/various way(s)? i do feel kinda vulnerable right now.<br /><br />so, mum called me like 3 hours ago. she's doing alright. phew... then what the heck with the twitches? it's certainly not about the lack of sleep coz i've been having 6-8 hours of sleep these days!<br /><br />man...i feel like walking on thin ice.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Part 2:</span><br /><br />like the chinese saying, 'yat yau so si, ye yau so mung'. JS appeared in my dream 3 nights in a row.<br /><br />1st night, she texted me 'get some nigori' on my way to her place. wow...i'm kinda craving for some nigori sake, but then i'm on budget. and she wanted to get the expensive sake?! lol.<br /><br />2nd night, i went out for an adventure with 2 of my friends (whom i can't remember now). we went kayaking in a really cool 'boat/kayak' with extendable 'wings'. like a roller coaster ride on the water. we arrived at a lil village. at the souvenior shop, i found some kafir lime leaves, and kafir limes with leaves. kinda expensive, but i thought of her...how she loves lime...and probably her corona will taste much better in those. AND kafir leaves are kinda hard to get here ;-P i bought the limes with leaves. lol. when i gave her the gift, she squeeze those limes in caesar salad... lol.<br /><br />3rd night, i was sitting on her lap facing her. yes, fully clothed. the look, the long, the passionate making out. wow! AND my dad happened to be there and he saw. wtf? then fast forward to the 68. ummm... :-P<br /><br />gee...it's like i'm dating her in my sleep, don't u think? urgh...what about the reality now? huhlotsachihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07041621273955296541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8531173.post-21605322128195186922009-10-16T01:57:00.003-04:002009-10-16T02:36:03.023-04:00Sweet Septemberit's like stepping into fairyland...<br /><br />like those in <span style="font-style: italic;">Enid Blyton</span> books<br /><br />quaint and quiet lil historic town<br /><br />faint distant sound of the train<br /><br />fairy tales seem real<br /><br />expect lil pixies<br /><br />cute lil angels in wings<br /><br />a drive into nowhere to somewhere<br /><br />an invitation<br /><br />a quest to seek<br /><br />a mutual connection<br /><br />if chemistry work then will there be a need for catalyst<br /><br />the catalyst that brings some similarities together<br /><br />the resonating feel between us<br /><br />deep into the blueness of your eyes<br /><br />beyond those glasses<br /><br />a pick on the brain<br /><br />communication<br /><br />the hint of smartness, talents, longing and mischief<br /><br />like those spices of life<br /><br />to spice up one's life<br /><br />the 5 elements<br /><br />water fire wind/air earth and wood<br /><br />the simplicity of life<br /><br />you breathe<br /><br />how comforting<br /><br />how empowering<br /><br />how invigorating<br /><br />how refreshing<br /><br />a revelation i found<br /><br />meeting and knowing you<br /><br />the moments we shared<br /><br />one of my best experiences...<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">*now reread it from the bottom</span>lotsachihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07041621273955296541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8531173.post-5084193524110960002009-10-05T01:37:00.003-04:002009-10-05T02:04:05.156-04:00dah lah tu...my malay is slipping off of me bits by bits... damnit, this is that one gets being a lil '<span style="font-style: italic;">derhaka</span>' to the birth land.<br /><br />macam mana lah i nak curamkan isi hati dan emosi i ni...<br /><br />*burps* (too much light beers)<br /><br />kan kerja tak berapa mempromisi' kan? ;-P boss tu menanyakan kayaulah i boleh kerja dinner kat pasadena. pasadena branch tu hampir 40 minit drive dari tempat tinggal... isssshhh...dah lah dia cakap 'don'tcha need the extra money?... bla bla bla' i pun tabik lah. the bosses are looking out for me after all.<br /><br />dah lah tu. i pun hadirkan diri ke restaurant tu. menonton game ravens. betapa menariknya lah kan?! iissshhh...but without me putting any $ in the game, it's jz...not as exciting lah ;-P<br /><br />apelah...customers tu bukan lah banyak.. tapi kena lah mempromosi sikit. iissshhhh macam lah pelacur... bla bla bla... slow but enjoyable night. tu memang i punya 1st night kerja jadi pelayan ;-P<br /><br />dari restaurant i 'pecut' ke kelab hippo (malam untuk wanita lah...)...<br /><br />i nak potongkan scenes yang tak usah lah kan... tarian tu je memang tarian lah. i pun takde 'cakap' dengan si dia... ataupun 'bermesra'...<br /><br />yang aku fikirkan tetaplah si dia...lotsachihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07041621273955296541noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8531173.post-1731342770176558452009-10-04T01:45:00.002-04:002009-10-04T02:12:16.661-04:00le lesbians weddingafter getting lost following the retarded GPS, i relied on the mama's direction to the reception ballroom. you wouldn't know how frustrated i was. damn GPS! damn chinese man's GPS! unreliable... urgh<br /><br />say what would u go being seated with your ex (and her bf) at the same table. uh huh... even her mum called me to 'check'. hahaha... hush hush!<br /><br />with too much kenny G's music throughout the 'waiting' for the brides...plus alcohol and some appetizers, i was trying to keep myself amused and awake. thank goodness for cherie and carla to keep the laughter and conversation going.<br /><br />we couldn't help laughing when shannon showed up in her red vest, red tie, white shirt and black pants. a man walked up to her and asked about food... BWAHAHAHAHAHA! she really looked like the maitre de! and there we went...talking loudly, requesting her attention about the food we have. "yo, i have a problem with the chicken. overseasoned lah!"<br /><br />at 9pm...we thought that's it. cherie came back and reported that it's gonna last til 11.30pm. what?! apparently there's a cake cutting and bouquet throwing. hhmmmmm nice...<br /><br />finally the DJ played some dance music, starting with 'i gotta feeling'. wow, i was really dragging everyone out to dance. hahaha! bla bla bla...dance dance dance...<br /><br />here comes the bouquet throwing. apparently only the single ladies are allowed but i don't know why was cherie doing getting ready to fight for the bouquet. anyway, emily threw them my direction. aiya! i got it. whoooopppssss... hey, i got the bouquet sue mooi threw too, back in 2004. i wasn't the one getting married after that... heck, i'm still so single and available. it's a bad luck. i'd say the gal getting the bouquet would b the last one getting married out of the bunch...<br /><br />not that i don't wanna get married. but but...no one really wants me that bad... i'm just saying <span style="font-style: italic;">lah</span>.<br /><br />next came the 'groom' throwing a lil scrunchy. uhhh...what?! so, yaz caught it (i wasn't allowed to catch it coz i already got the bouquet... huh). since she's the mama, she refused to do the 'act'. omg...i had to sit down in front of everyone and the 'man' has to perform the wrap the scrunchy around my ankle and roll it up my thigh. whoa! if i had known better, i'd have ducked at the bouquet throwing! gee... cherie did the favor. phew! or else it'd b wrong...mama and daughter doing that thing. hahahaha<br /><br />well, that's it for the night. i managed to drag the ex out for 'our' song "i kissed a gal". she was like...omg, i'm gonna get yelled at for doing this. pssshhhh! who cares?! u r in a lesbians wedding. be gay a lil!<br /><br />really. that's it. no extravagant 10 course chinese dinner. jz some lasagna, meat balls, cheese, cracker, bread, oversalted marsala chicken, carrots and stringbeans cooked in butter, steamed red potatoes with parsley(?), roast beef and some crab dip (i could see lotsa mayonaise...eeeek!).<br /><br />may the brides live happily ever after.<br /><br />the end.lotsachihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07041621273955296541noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8531173.post-67221942025670958312009-10-01T00:44:00.002-04:002009-10-01T02:50:01.893-04:00black and whitethe night is silent with the sound of cars on the highway<br /><br />nursing my 2nd miller lite<br /><br />staring at the black and white keys of the piano by the bed<br /><br />chuckles<br /><br />reminiscing on the old days<br /><br />how much has these keys taught me the way of life<br /><br />how hard have i banged on them to let my emotions out<br /><br />how gentle i've touched them as if caressing someone dear to my heart<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">con moto</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">pianissimo</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">piu mosso</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">sforzando</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">animato</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">espressivo</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">dolce</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">giocoso</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">non tanto</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">sempre passionato</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">rubato</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">forte piano</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">con brio</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">tranquillo</span><br /><br />satisfaction aside<br /><br />these black and white keys taught me true love.lotsachihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07041621273955296541noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8531173.post-84566785267647539682009-09-30T00:46:00.003-04:002009-09-30T02:42:00.087-04:00current dilemmahere i am...still thinking about what the heck to wear for the lesbians wedding this saturday. it has been bothering me since weeks ago when i saw K and some of the crew at central.<br /><br />me : "can i wear this shirt?"<br /><br />K : "no."<br /><br />:-O<br /><br />it's a nice calvin klein shirt... dark khaki green... like the color of those old leaf (but not brown yet) you find in tropical forest... what the heck is the correct word for the damn color?! turqoise? uhhh....<br /><br />anyway, it has been on my mind for quite sometime. as the date was drawing near, i was getting anxious... hey, a gal can be very anxious about what to wear on a big occasion lah!<br /><br />1stly, i'm kinda broke right now because someone thinks that it's ok to owe me money for the longest time. moreover, the restaurant isn't packed with generous customers. if it is (or not), there are 'too' many servers to tend to the customers where waiting for the food from the kitchen is longer than the servers serving the food promptly. see how i'm using PRESENT tense? in short, if worse come to worse, only limited fabulous (sweet talker) servers are needed for the job.<br /><br />what's my point again? oh yeah...brokeness. so, with all these jewish holidays where i'm forced to take vacations (coz restaurant has to be closed), i'm broke-r. there is no fucking way i am gonna spend money to buy any outfit/accessories for someone's big day. although i should. well...IF i'm comfortable with spending the money, i would. i gotta set aside some money for the wedding gift!?!<br /><br />2ndly, with the limited money i have...i'd like to have those for my social outings. not that i spend extravaganzaly on gals at dinners or at the club. heck! if i'm well off, i'd splurge a lil to help the economy! ;-P well...i'm still helping the economy and the gay community by bringing my ass out at least once a week, spending lil money.<br /><br />i think if there's another (judgemental) gal that ask me why am i always out at the gals night, i'm gonna throw this to her face.<br /><br />"i don't have much money, but i DO know about recession and lousy economy! if i don't come out and pay that stupid cover charge and buy some beers, and IF everybody who is broke doesn't come out, where the gay community gonna have their hangout nights, b***h?!! i aint here for some booties!"<br />*flings head to the side and walks away*<br /><br />3rdly, i've been quite androgenous lately...say about 3 years ago. in another words, i look tomboyish. cute tomboy. i'd even have gay guy take his second look at me just to make sure what gender am i. lol.<br /><br />"you're (she's) soooooo cute!" is a compliment i always hear at least once a week. heh.<br /><br />but only my close friends know that although i look butch (some says player) on the outside, i'm so femme (so far i'm always the one being played) on the inside. it's very true. the first time i heard that revelation from a close friend, i almost cried (in gratitute of knowing/understanding me). so, in terms of dressing up, i'd b more attractive and comfortable with a non-so-femme-clothes ;-) well...occasionally i'd put on make up...but don't ask me when, i kinda forgot ;-P uummm...yeah.<br /><br />lastly, that baju kebaya (malay traditional outfit) has to go. i'm gonna wear shirt, tie and pants. with my blings ;-P and chucks! gotta be frugal lah. lollotsachihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07041621273955296541noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8531173.post-66703777815731714352009-09-28T02:21:00.003-04:002009-09-28T03:30:48.931-04:00tales of roomates (part 1)being the only child (ummm...i like to call myself being the only child coz most of my childhood days were spent ummm...with me playing/entertaining/doing stuff with myself in the house and fortunately with kids in the neighborhood) can be lonely. but i've grew up with a household and neighborhood of 'busy-ness'. phew! those human noise brought me comfort--chi is not alone ;-)<br /><br />i've never found so much joy of living/sleeping with someone my age until the first day of university. well...before that first day, occasionally i could have a 'sister' (band member) to spend the night over at the house but really, it doesn't count when it comes to spending days with roomate(s) ;-)<br /><br />no, i don't think i was that gay yet. i just missed the having-siblings-to-spend-time-with moments. :-P<br /><br />living in a big dorm (say...approximately 4 gals in a room, 32 rooms to a floor and 5 floors to a dorm building) at UPM was like an academia + gals fiesta! LMAO. let's do the math.<br /><br />4 x 32 x 5 = 640<br /><br />wow!!! let's jz say about 600 gals in a building. and there were alot of buildings in my dorm complex. what about parking? well...most students were from poor family, so the bus is always packed. some could afford motorbykes and cars. my 21st birthday gift was my 1st car--a new hatchback proton iswara (my 'pimpin' car. lol)<br /><br />with the convenience of the car, i could have stayed home (which was only 20 mins drive from home). BUT i wanted to live with the gals on campus...at the dorm for the ENTIRE study years! i love having roomates and neighbors i could bug and hangout with until wee hours...until everyone was tired of me. when they slept, i studied ;-P<br /><br />very much a social butterfly.<br /><br />SH : "do you know people jz acknowledge me as 'PC's roomate' coz they can't remember my name? you're too damn popular for people to remember my own name lah."<br /><br />me : "o really?! *laugh* wow...i'm sorry."<br /><br />my entire 3 yrs at UPM, i stuck with SH. she's sucha great roomate. motherly kind. :-) well, we take care of each others anyway. and gals across the room too. when i was so sick with flu, they'd make me porridge, make me herbal tea and do my assignment(s) for me! i used to love taking naps on SH's bed (coz i'd 'save' my own bed for deep slumber), using her desk to study (coz mine was full with entertainment stuff--computer, tv, games, speakers) and eat dinner. she'd come back to the room and sorta 'yelled' at me for eating strong smell stuff at her desk. hahaha...but we do love each other long time ;-) she knew i love the comfort (and convenience) of 'her' side of room!<br /><br />CS was 'invited' from next room because she's pretty (yeah...she looks a bit like the famous HK actress that married a rich tycoon) and cool and being half my coursemate, means i could have more help in getting notes and tips in studying ;-P<br /><br />we had 2 engineering roomates. omg...i can't even remember their names now. one was fun. one was sooooo serious. the fun one laughed so hard in her sleep one night we (uh...i was still up, studying) all woke up and WTH happened? what a funny shock. lol<br /><br />FC was a year younger than us. i remember us picking on each other. o boy, all of us love to yell at each other to rant it off. love is bonded that way, believe me. loud love? hahaha... it's the chinese way :-P<br /><br />me : "why are your fingers soooo meaty? *pokes at FC's fingers*<br /><br />FC : "OI!!!!!! go 'die aside' you!"<br /><br />omg...she wanted to slap me. hahahaha... i can't remember her come back nasty comment about me but it's darn funny.<br /><br />years later... i was already in US.<br /><br />SH : "do you know what FC did?"<br /><br />me : "what?"<br /><br />SH : "she got married. like there's nothing better to play with..."<br /><br />me : "whoaaaaaa... LMAO"<br /><br />see, we LOVE picking on each other out of love ;-)<br /><br />i have to tell you other gals roomate(s) on my same floor. yeah, i knocked on doors to <span style="font-style: italic;">kepoh</span> back in the days :-P soooo weirdly amusing!<br /><br />say...<br /><br />we saw a gal that washed her feet (one at a time, of course) in the sink we wash our face and brush our teeth at. omg...the hassle of lifting her leg to wash it...isn't it easier to wash in the toilet/laundry area where there's a faucet 1-2 feet from the ground...<br /><br />we had a communal bathrooms/toilets/laundry area (where we hand wash our clothes).<br /><br />PP's roomate was another (princess) weirdo. she'd apply lotion to her legs as thick as 1 cm and let it 'absorbed', taking hours to do her laundry coz she would just let physics do its job--mainly soaking and rinsing ALOT. brushing and scrubbing hurt her dainty fingers... and more absurdly (and sooo rudely), she'd hang her dripping wet underwears above her roomate's desk... OMG! not to mention closing the door loudly during her early morning classes... wow...we love talking about her. heh<br /><br />there's one time Rainbow walked in the door and i was there in her room, on top of CM, giving her a back massage. hahaha... we were giving each other massage. uhhh...it was odd... but we love easing each others' knots and sore from our vigorous activities. hahahaha<br /><br />there were times i got a car full of gals to go to ladies night in downtown and had to come back at dawn (when the gate finally reopens. we had curfew...). the guard thought some of us were whoring outside. eeeeewwww! we could have slapped or reported him!<br /><br />good ol UPM days... ;-)lotsachihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07041621273955296541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8531173.post-32864637173159991082009-09-28T01:08:00.002-04:002009-09-28T02:08:33.891-04:00channelsit's been sucha long time since i penned down anything. i'm sorry to myself for the absence in writing...a catharsis of thoughts and emotions. so much have happened in this lapse of time that it's kinda hard to fill in the experiences in timely form.<br /><br />i'll try.<br /><br />let's start with how much i've learned and grown (wisely, not vertical or horizontal :-P).<br /><br />people cross path for a reason OR it could be mere coincidental. but i do believe that everyone i meet, see, interact and have levels of connection happen for a reason--fate. the moment(s) adds another learning opportunity for either intellect and/or wisdom. and of course extra strands of gray hair. haha.<br /><br />what i've learned in this absence of blogging:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">patience</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">respect for someone i like for her decisions</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">if things are better said in action, keep the mouth shut</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">be more responsible when it comes to drinking just so no one gets hurt in any way</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">the heavy burden (responsibility) to repay the debt of gratitude to one's parent</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">it's unfair to bring personal problems (negativities) to work</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">naiveness to trust people that leads to one's frustration and pain</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">true friends are always around if they want you to be their true friend--reciprocity</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">revelations on own life conditions</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">always being optimistic about 'the one' out there--faith</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">never give up on standing up after every fall</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">it's ok things don't go the way one wants coz no one can escape from the law of the universe (karma).</span><br /><br />some of my best friends said i'm so one of the kind for being dramatic, silly, dorky, smart, talented, absurd, cute, whiney, naughty, and rude (etc..) at times. i take all those as a compliment...good and bad. ummm...more good than bad of course ;-)<br /><br />you know, we are (as a human being) a body of material after all. just as a comparison/metaphor... in physics (material science precisely), an alloy is always better and stronger than pure metal. heh ;-)<br /><br />sometimes i'm skeptical about going in rabbit holes... i'm afraid i'm not that courageous to take the pain... o well, but if i do, i will certainly have my friends to share the adventures with!lotsachihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07041621273955296541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8531173.post-31215671804958874482008-03-17T02:46:00.003-04:002008-03-17T03:27:20.024-04:00short note to bear in mindI had a crazy weekend, it spanned from wednesday night-saturday night. I went out to clubs, 4 nights in a row. Taking my minds off something I guess. Confirming where should I go I guess.<br /><br />I saw and experienced some human conditions, emotions, spur-of-the-moments, feelings swayed by the environment, decisions made out of conscience and moral values and meaning of love, life and relationships.<br /><br />Wednesday night was fully devoted to T and how we can fully support each other with a strong bond. If dance is the ultimate way to express oneself, I love the way we move.<br /><br />Thursday was full of freebies. I'm very grateful of the many people who love me for who I am. Free hook-ups on coffee, food, drinks. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Attentions I got was reassured of how strong and loved I am in the society/environment I put myself in. Kept telling myself that love is all around. However, sometimes love hurts...when you give too much. I worked that out in dance and at the gym later that night...<br /><br />Friday night was another replacing someone off my mind--trying to forget and keeping it cool. Brought a cute cowboy marine out as my companion. Met J again. It was very hard not to dance and talk to her for her top that said "tasty peaches, homemade". I know where I was stepping on. Told myself not to do it. I kept my lips away due to respects, love and friendship. Cowboy had a blast with the L gals. Sent him off to Comfort Inn near me.<br /><br />Saturday was another catharsis day. Loved and missed my drums at M's. Band practice provided another channel to lash it out. I don't know what or who I am without art, music, performance arts...although how much knowlegde or intellect I have in me. I chose to live life to fullest as a human, not a robot. Anyway, I brought cowboy to Sapphos at Central--showed him another gay scene. Protected him the best I could--standing up/defending his sexuality, commanded that he goes to the ladies room and teaching him to learn how to respect his seniors and the fine lines of dealing with people. I kept myself to my own pants although I could have blooped on a fine military lady. Respect and give. Sent cowboy back to Comfort Inn after carryout at McD. Thirsty, tired and hungry, BUT I'm very proud that we behaved.<br /><br />Sunday was relaxing. Pushed myself to attend a big Buddhist meeting 40 mins away from home. I made it, although I was late. Duh. Sorry, but I can be a lazy ass baby. Hehe! Of all the things and spectacle I saw there, I was contemplating, reflecting, reminding and reassured of where I came from. I was truly touched by the some words--tolerance and generosity, that's the Buddhist way. I was very touched by various performances too--the kids' performance, youths walking across the stage (yes, peter brook said that even a person walking across the stage IS a performance) and pledging their resolution/goal in life and DC dancer's rendition/performance of the song "APOLOGIZE". Realizing that I have/should have a vast heart, I called K, M, L, C, D, L, S, J and Cl.<br /><br />Although things might not go my way but I have enough love hugs and voice today to reassure that I'm a fabulous, multi-talented, cute and lovable person.<br /><br />TOLERANCE and GENEROSITY weigh upon me, for now. :)lotsachihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07041621273955296541noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8531173.post-12063025454575816632008-03-14T03:25:00.002-04:002008-03-14T03:53:10.953-04:00if dreams are made of...if dreams are made of<br />my own creation<br />i must muster<br />my everything<br />to bring it to fruitation<br /><br />you know<br />we're different beings<br />somehow there's resonance<br />good or bad<br />compatibility<br />similar interest<br />do you deserve....<br />me<br /><br />i want perfect level<br />perfect height<br />sitting or standing<br />are you there?<br /><br />32 flavors of baskin robbins<br />you know your flavor<br />what flavor am i to you<br />i don't know if i can sacrifice other flavors<br />sticking only to one flavor<br />i'm willing to give my best<br /><br />a journey starts with a step<br />stillness is the beginning of a movement<br />right here waiting<br />put your best food forward<br />let me see it<br />glistening eyes<br />let me see the happiness<br />no regrets<br /><br />uncertainties in life<br />i understand it completely<br />do i embrace<br />and accept it<br />only with painful heart<br /><br />if dreams are made of<br />my imagination<br />i won't be afraid<br />to surmount whatever comes my way<br />the vines grow strong and deep<br />as it age<br /><br />ways of touch<br />literally or metaphorically<br />i know<br />how to touch<br />pushing the right buttons<br />i know how to keep the distance<br />just so you're comfortable<br />happy with my touch<br /><br />intimacy can be felt<br />feet apart<br />longings can be felt<br />distance away<br />but oh boy<br />how i'm so wanton<br />securing myself<br /><br />struggles keeping my soul<br />i'm such an angel<br />sacrificing myself til it hurts<br />badly<br />the halo weighs upon my head<br />must be good<br /><br />if dreams are made of...<br />i'd choose happiness and peacelotsachihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07041621273955296541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8531173.post-73618523425411372152008-03-13T03:28:00.002-04:002008-03-13T03:44:02.352-04:00A Little CatharsisI'm fortunate enough to have many channels for catharsis.<br /><br />Lashing it out whether in front of the mirror, in the shower, running my fingers on the piano playing like a (romantic) maniac, drumming my soul away, drinking my ass off, working strenously at the gym, writing/typing my ass off, and/or making great/comfort food ARE my way of 'releasing'.<br /><br />Does it take talent/skill for catharsis? Errrmmm...for me, it comes naturally. I guess it differs from individual to individual. You've gotta discover that's best for you, yourself. ;-P<br /><br />Some people, however, DO need catalyst in this aspect. I don't know...but right now I'm sure that I can/will be providing the catalyst... If you find that I'm your kind of catalyst, feel free to hook up with me. bwahahahaha! fyi, i can be pretty crazy and MEAN! ;-P<br /><br />I have something to say...perhaps better in poetry...lotsachihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07041621273955296541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8531173.post-76500879901949166702008-03-12T03:13:00.002-04:002008-03-12T03:43:52.477-04:00If I don't use it, I lose itI have been away...I put my pen down, somewhere. Feeling grateful to some people, I decided to sharpen my mind with readings and (yes!) penning down my thoughts and feelings.<br /><br />Don't you think that when you are away from school for quite some time, books and writings seem a little bit awkward and rusty? I feel lazy to write. Sometimes I'm amazed at how slow I can scribble ugly handwriting!<br /><br />Urgh.<br /><br />I'm aware that I have a depth of knowledge within myself but sometimes summoning up information takes difficulty and errrr...embarrassment. Alcohol DOES kill brain cells... *sigh* However, discovering own writings written months/years ago brought back rememberance and reminiscence.<br /><br />So I was telling a dear friend of mine, K, about my blog(s). She keenly and instantly looked it up with high curiosity. *chuckles*<br /><br />*aside*<br /><br />I read it somewhere--the brain is the largest sex organ. I agree. Having constructive agreements/interests/points of views in conversation DOES turn one on in several aspects. Sometimes you don't even have to 'go there' but it is amazing how refreshing, lifting and empowering a constructive dialogue can make you. You are TURNED ON intellectually/mentally. I would say prefer this more although I DO like to being turned on sexually. Hahaha!<br /><br />There's a distinction of being a human being and an animal... ;-P<br /><br />So back to what I was trying to say. Showing her my penned thoughts has reminded me of how how HOW (slightly) different of me--now, and while I was in school. I can't help but feeling a little ashamed of how intellectually I am.<br /><br />I'm a feeling and action person. Afterall, action speaks louder than words. However, no matter how you see it, I still think that you need to find an equilibrium between the actions and words...<br /><br />Reading my own poems reminded me of my all-rounderness, my capability to exert my best qualities/skills and of WHO I AM.lotsachihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07041621273955296541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8531173.post-82002837526157327602007-01-15T06:59:00.000-05:002007-01-15T07:24:30.942-05:00Can you imaginecan you imagine if i tell you i doubt if i can still write/type?<br /><br />can you imagine if what i'm saying here is true?<br /><br />i haven't put down my thoughts and emotions in words for such a long time. forgive me. all these while i chose other medium(s) for catharsis--playing piano, working out, cooking...<br /><br />am i better in piano? you bet. developing more muscles? you bet. getting better in making delicious food? i'm living up 'chi can cook'. ;-)<br /><br />so much to do to improve myself. to better myself. to love myself. to strengthen myself. and at times, i wonder...how would it be like to share all these with a lover/gf.<br /><br />sometimes i don't know how NOT to be wild and bad. but then again, i told myself to behave. why throw my value system away...it's just a phase of life (being bad). again and again i reminded myself. it's a great thing to have something profound and truthful and deep and sound to fall back.<br /><br />heck, i do love the song "i wanna fuck you". opppsss...<br /><br />can you imagine i've consumed more than US$10k worth of wine last year? yes, all those fancy and expensive and RARE french wines. everytime i consume some, i feel like i'm coating myself with gold.<br /><br />i finally got my expensive birthday gift last week (after half a year gone by). can you imagine me wearing a pearl necklace with a matching pearl earrings (my best friend said it's a classic design). when i wore it i had to remind myself in front of the mirror that i'm a gal... oh well, i told myself that i'm a boyish gal. i think i can pull it off with a (girlish) pearl and some shirt and pants and a nice malay shawl (it's from a kebaya outfit i owned) ;-) heh, i actually look superb and 'statement-making'! i shall debut my pearl-ly outfit this weekend at a wine auction at Daniel Restaurant in NYC. Fyi, Daniel is one of the top restaurants in the world! OMG...omg...omg.<br /><br />can you imagine i spent 7-8 hours waiting without food (luckily i had some sweets) and drinks (i had limited water) and NO toilet breaks at Times Square, NYC for the 2007 countdown. torturing! agonizing! ridiculous, at some point. i almost gave up waiting. in the end, i pushed myself and finally i'm happy to announce that i MADE it. unbelievable experience, but i'd only do it once in my life. next time, i'm gonna watch it on tv.<br /><br />sea of people. what a crazy night.<br /><br />can you imagine that i'm a copper blondie now. haha. yes, i am. a gal told me i look great and surprised to find that i'm still single and available. oh well...i wonder why too.lotsachihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07041621273955296541noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8531173.post-1150797268203855972006-06-20T05:37:00.000-04:002006-06-20T05:54:32.783-04:00omg, such long absence!i apologize for being MIA for so long. gee...when was the last time i blogged? ah, don't mention. <br /><br />so...what have i been doing. let me fill you in, in summary. well, stuffs that i can recall <em>lah</em>. <br /><br />april:<br /><br />- good thing going with L, my ex. some stuffs we've worked on and we both felt good about it. what?! ah...no, we're not together. just friends... <br /><br />......<br /><br />- busy with rehearsals and play--<em>'65 days: adrift in sea'</em>. <br /><br />may: <br /><br />- spending more time with the 'girlfriends' before everyone leave home for the summer break.<br />- anticipating my birthday. <br />- celebrating my birthday 3 days in a row (yeah, like a princess! :P) with one very expensive dinner that cost a few thousand dollars in one of the most expensive restaurant in town. ehem...:P <br />- hung out even more with malaysian friend<br />- hosting and attending (my so-called) thespians and lesbians parties. WOOHOO! <br />- anticipating Senior Ceremony (a ceremony where Towson Uni's Theatre Dept. honors all graduating seniors) <br />- DONE with senior ceremony.<br />- anticipating commencement/convocation/graduation.<br />- did a stupid thing--'objectifying' my friend(s) and i felt very ashamed of myself. <br />- godsister, A, came down from boston, SURPRISINGLY!, to attend my convo. aawwwwww...she represented the whole wide world to me :)<br />- DC visit with A and W (the male hongkie best friend i have here)<br /><br />june<br /><br />- anticipating the production of 'Welcome to Micronesia' where i'll be assistant directing and stage managing. whoaaarrrrgggghhhh! so anxious!<br />- finally went to a beach--june 14! looking sexy in bikini ;P <br />- i didn't call my dad to wish him Happy Father's Day. bad me. and i'm still NOT gonna call. why? i don't know...don't feel like it.<br /><br />ok, this is just a summary of what's going on and what went on. i'll fill in later. soooooo sleepy... it's almost 6am!!!lotsachihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07041621273955296541noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8531173.post-1145518117259670272006-04-20T02:55:00.000-04:002006-04-20T03:29:54.720-04:00Happy NewsThe following may not be chronologically correct:<br /><br />1.) Boston trip during spring break with a sponsor--air travel (gee, 2 one-way tickets! due to changed plan). The travel came to be around $700 (boy, i can almost get a return ticket for a trip back to msia!). And it's FREE! Yay! <br /><br />2.) Boston trip provided time for relaxation (yes, initially I planned to visit and walk around the city, alone (daytime), BUT being sucha lazy pig, I slept in til afternoon!), contemplation on what-am-I-doing-with-my-life, self-(re)discovery, some adventures (alone!), checking out the city, the pretty (chicks) people, art (I went to the Museum of Fine Arts and boy! they have a great collection of Egyptian art--mummies and the findings, Asian art, impressionistic art, Picasso, Middle East art, South East Asia art, Chinese (Buddhist) art, African and Oceania art...bla bla bla) and architecture. <br /><br />3.) In Boston, I saw my godsister, MH. Yes, she's a great sister, more like a real sister compared to my 'blood-related' sister(s). Hung out with her. Pampered by her. Pampering her ;) <br /><br />4.) I love the rush feeling of taking-off. It felt so free...soaring in the sky, higher and higher. A metaphoric feeling of stepping on the pedal and go forward in life :)<br /><br />5.) Knowing J is not gonna move out AND she's getting a car this Saturday! Yay! <br /><br />6.) Having good weather--sun and some breeze for being out in the sun--sun bathing while enjoying coffee and watching 'life' passes by. So, I'm developing a honey-looking skin ;) Sexy!!! Like what the Malay says, <em>hitam manis</em> (dark sweet). :P<br /><br />7.) Going out with a cute gal, B, for a sushi dinner. I miss the feeling of dating. I was VERY glad and happy she went out with me. Gee...so gay. Ah, but then the dinner has to be <em>pronto</em> coz I had to run to a rehearsal! :(<br /><br />8.) Performing again. Yes, this week I'm performing from Monday-Saturday! 2 different shows--<em>65 days</em> and (fusion) <em>Yashima</em> (a Noh dance). <br /><br />9.) Spent alot on grocery today ($175) but it was paid by my 'employer'. ;) Gee, I have no idea how it came to that amount!!! <br /><br />10.) Gonna learn how to invest my money for better future.<br /><br />11.) Being offered to go on a paid cruise to Stockholm-to-London, a 14-day trip. Kinda stressful to think about it, but happy of the offer. <br /><br />12.) One of my primary school friends gave birth to a baby on Apr 11. Gee, I'm still single and DAMN available! <br /><br />13.) Been told by new found male friends that I'm too attractive and beautiful and cute to be a lesbian. Haha! <br /><br />14.) I got my first birthday gift--a bongo stand. Hehe. I can play the bongo and conga at the same time now. Wonderful feeling to letting go and feel the rhythm. Groovy, babe. You know what I mean?<br /><br />15.) I was offered a job as a wine associate, with $10/hour pay. And all I have to do is tasting wine and talk. Ahhh...but I don't have a car to travel to work. Soooo...nvm :Plotsachihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07041621273955296541noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8531173.post-1143795805652020582006-03-31T03:47:00.000-05:002006-03-31T04:04:40.493-05:00Nooooo...not again!J: "I've something to tell you. I'm gonna move out in the middle of May."<br /><br />*silence*<br /><br />me: "Why! *sad face, lump in throat/chest* Why leave me? Why so early! Why now..."<br /><br />I can't believe it. She just made me dislike spring even more. <br /><br />*slumps* <br /><br />Last spring (towards the end) I was dealing with L. And now...I've to face another lost. I just don't know how I can bear these. The gals I've grown fond of and comfortable to... <br /><br />*heavy chest*<br /><br />Call me sentimental. Extremely. Tell me it's no big deal, they'll still b around. Yes, but won't be so close. <br /><br />I was drumming on my brand new conga after the conversation with J. As I drummed and got into the rhythm, I was so emotional that I cried and trying to push those mushy and heavy emotions away...drummed for strength, inspiration, hope and resolution. It's healing. But I need more 'dose'. My arms were hurting but not as much as I hurt inside. <br /><br />It's very painful to deal with parting again, IN SPRING! <br /><br />I look ahead...oh gosh...will there ever be a spring that I'd look forward to? Will there ever be a wonderful gal who'd bloom right in front of me and wrap me around lovingly, supportingly and nurturingly in her soft and comfortable petals? <br /><br />*takes a deep breath, wipes tears off cheeks*lotsachihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07041621273955296541noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8531173.post-1143621544979792712006-03-29T03:10:00.000-05:002006-03-29T03:39:05.040-05:00Gals I Want...befriend"You are such a giving person, do you know that?" -Dr J. <br /><br />True, I would sheepishly admit that. I'd do that pay-it-forward thing. I've certainly had some takings (in various aspects in my life) and I don't mind giving to people that I love. <br /><br />I can be very stingy and generous at the same time--to different people. <br /><br />Should there be 'a shrimp hiding behind a rock' (from the Malay proverb--<em>udang di sebalik batu</em>) in this taking and giving concept? Yes and no. You go figure out. <br /><br />I felt silly sometimes in reaching out--giving, and ambiguous of my wanting. But then, at the end of the day...I'd tell myself...reminding myself that I should cherish the friendship connection/relationship instead. Friends are treasure in life. Hence I shouldn't be too calculative in 'exchanging' treasure for treasure (not that one can really buy friendship). It really boils down to SINCERITY and GENUINE love. <br /><br />I have recently (gone far out) wrapped a big rose bouquet for a gal, LL. My cyber lesbian friend already yelled at me, "she's STRAIGHT. STRAIGHT, STRAIGHT, STRAIGHT!" a couple times but I still...you know, 'treasuring' her in an 'unfriendly' way. <br /><br />Great OLD (expensive) wines. Expensive restaurant. Home-cooked meals. Flowers. <br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/1600/flowers%20010_mosaic.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/320/flowers%20010_mosaic.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/1600/homedinner%20with%20lilly2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/320/homedinner%20with%20lilly2.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/1600/homedinner%20with%20lilly1.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/320/homedinner%20with%20lilly1.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br />"You are very nurturing." -Dr J. <br /><br />Is this a bad quality to have in a person? It's unbelievable someone would describe me that. If I'm so nurturing, why the gal I love not reciprocating? <br /><br />*shakes head* <br /><br />Sometimes I just want to cry at what I've done, what I have and what I don't have.lotsachihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07041621273955296541noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8531173.post-1141283312512095632006-03-02T01:14:00.000-05:002006-03-02T02:16:09.920-05:00Pampered and SpoiledOne of the reasons I have been MIA recently is having myself pampered and spoiled with great wines and great food. Yeah, wines...you know the 'after effect' :P Nah, not that I drink til I get drunk, but you know...after drinking, I'd rather go to bed (alone! ah, although I don't mind a hot chick in bed with me ;P) than stay up and write/type/blog. <br /><br />A list of crazily EXPENSIVE (French) wines I've had over these (MIA) days: <br /><br />1.) 1982 Chateau Lynch Bages, Grand Vin Grand Cru Classe, Pauillac. (red) <br />2.) 1989 Puligny Montrachet Les Folatieres, Leroy. (white)<br />3.) 1996 Puligny Montrachet Les Folatieres, Leroy. (white)<br />4.) 1994 Gewurztraminer, Domaine Zind Humbrecht. (dessert - white)<br />5.) 1988 Chateau Climens, Sauternes Barsac. (dessert - white)<br />6.) 1980 Chateau Climens, Sauternes Barsac. (dessert - white)<br />7.) 1995 Pic Saint-Loup, Chateau de Cazeneuve. (red)<br />8.) 1975 Chateau Leoville Poyferre, Proprietre Ste Cle des Domaines de St. Julien. <br /> (red)<br />9.) 1982 Vieaux Chateau Certans, Pomerol. (red)<br />10.) 1991 Dominus. (red)<br /><br />Most of the whites I had with appetizers - clams, crab cakes, linguine (with clams) and lobster, and the reds - NY strip steak, chicken (with brown sauce..."yes, it goes well", said the wine connoiseur), duck and ribeye steak. The dessert wines with tiramisu, con panna, creme bru lee and cheesecakes. <br /><br />The food alone had cost about $700. The wines...omg, if I tell you the least expensive one (yes, the youngest one) costs about $200, do the math. Of course I didn't eat and drink all the above in ONE dinner :P <br /><br />Ahhh...I've died and gone to heaven multiple times! LOL<br /><br />When I told Dr J I wanted to learn more about wines, I didn't mean I want to be spoiled. BUT since there's no way to learn how to distinguish a great and a bad wine EXCEPT to try them... hehehe... ;) You'll never know what's good and what's bad until you've experience them - this applies to mostly anything. <br /><br />It's been very fortunate to be able to learn and enjoy all these. Other than eat and drink, we had alot of intellectual, spiritual, fun, brilliant, philosophical, artistic and deep conversations. <br /><br />Ever read that book 'Tuesdays with Morrie'? I feel that way--the eagerness and compassion to learn more about life from a brilliant old man (unlike Morrie, Dr J is not sick). Hanging/going out with him no doubt raises eyebrows BUT if they look closely, I'm actually so gay (butchly feminine <em>lah</em>) :P <br /><br />We do look out for gals ;) That's the fun part. Sometimes he can be sucha dirty old man! Eeeeek, <em>tak boleh tahan</em>. Well, not like he touches, but you know...thinking about it. <em>Choi</em>...I tried not to think about that, didn't want to 'flood' the restaurant/bar. <br /><br /><em>If you read Vagina Monologues by Eve Ensler, you'll know the 'flood' story.</em> :) <br /><br />I think if a guy try so hard to introduce some of the good lady friends he knows to one, one should really appreciates him. Moreover, he's sucha wonderful giver! Oh, this doesn't mean I'm a taker, I also 'give' in this platonic relationship. As I mentioned, I'd rather go to bed after spending time with him--too tired from <strong>alertness and concentration given </strong>to him! I wonder if he feels the same exhaustion by all the talkings... :Plotsachihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07041621273955296541noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8531173.post-1139987829956402422006-02-15T01:09:00.000-05:002006-02-15T03:17:46.250-05:00ValentineI gave someone...ok, L, a gift. For the past two weeks, I'm suffering from cold sores (roomate J said it's mouth herpes. CHOI!)--bumps and swelling on the gums and tongue, cracks on the lip. Very painful :'(. Makes eating, drinking, (especially) brushing teeth a teary and howling event. No doctor visit for me. Once I'm here, I've learned to 'shy away' from the doctors as they're SUPER expensive (now that I'm not covered in health insurance). To make it short(er), L came to Towson to pass me an oral medication for my sore and gift(s) she got me from Japan. <br /><br />I had a few hours to run to the florist and two other stores to get flowers (yes, handpicked, stem by stem!) and papers. The flowers here are expensive! Gee, and I thought they're already 'Valentine's price'--they're not! I got them early. <br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/1600/pre-wrapping%20pose_mosaic.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/320/pre-wrapping%20pose_mosaic.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br />So, I came back from work at 10++pm and knocked on (my Japanese roomate) K's door. Had her to take pictures of this process. LOL. And also by seeing me wrapping, she'd learn how to do it. Of course, she helped a lil bit :P--trashing stuff, wiping table, put the flowers in the vase, you know...simple stuff.<br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/1600/pre-wrapping%20gay%20pose_mosaic.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/320/pre-wrapping%20gay%20pose_mosaic.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/1600/flowers%20in%20vase2.0.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/320/flowers%20in%20vase2.0.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/1600/wrapping%20second%20layer%202_mosaic.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/320/wrapping%20second%20layer%202_mosaic.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/1600/wrapping%20last%20layer_mosaic.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/320/wrapping%20last%20layer_mosaic.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/1600/bouquet%20in%20arms.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/320/bouquet%20in%20arms.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br />I took the bouquet with me on my 'journey' around campus--I didn't want to come home to fetch it when L arrives. I wanted to spend some time at Starbucks and enjoy. Heh. <em>Bangganya</em> be seen with a big bouquet. Americans don't wrap this way. Not so 'extravagantly'. This is Hong Kong style. ;) I mentioned that I'd get L some flowers the <a href="http://chinosekai.blogspot.com/2005/08/mutuality-in-slumberland.html#comments">next</a> time she's in town. It was a perfect moment, in conjunction with V-day and her birthday (which is more than a month to come, but I'm not gonna spend more...). Afterall, I rarely see her in real. *shrugs* <br /><br />Perhaps I'd say I was being (very) nice, in return to her nice action/gesture. Perhaps I wanted her to receive the biggest bouquet she's every received--from me. Perhaps I wanted to tell her that she's still a very special person and a great friend to me/of mine. <br />Perhaps I was being too dramatic. <br /><br />I brought her to my restaurant. (Previously) Had the sushi chef to make some specialty sushi (not on the menu). Paid for the (quick) dinner. Of course it's my treat, she's a friend 'visiting', right? And I've always knew she loves certain types of food...<br /><br />She had mixed emotions about all these. Too romantic. Ahh...perhaps. What, can't I give a friend a bouquet of flower for V-day AND birthday? I'm being kinda 'economical' here, you know. <br /><br />Back to the flowers--you know what red roses and yellow roses mean, right? True and passionate love, and friendship. 3 red, 9 yellow (9 means forever and ever, ok). Purple flowers are called/nicked as forget-me-not. Whites are baby's breath, you figure what it means. *winks*<br /><br />*sigh* <br /><br />This is not the first time I've purposely wrapped a nice bouquet for a friend. My first bouquet was a two dozen red roses (of course, with lots of forget-me-not) for a guy (whom I never gave it to). DAMN heavy. My second was to my (longest) best-est friend, M--a dozen of (maybe) pink roses. I delivered to her personally and I remember her reaction vividly--her face was lit up and so touched. <br /><br />I did not see L's face lit up or touched when I presented her the bouquet (at starbucks). I guess I've failed to 'touch' her. I prefer to see LL's face when she saw me with a bunch of unwrapped flowers in my arms (at starbucks) the previous day. <br /><br />I'm willing to give due to appreciation. But the response is rather...disappointing. Conformity is one of the reasons...<br /><br />However, in brief, I'd say that I was very excited, anxious, happy and exuberant about her visit. No matter what happens in the future, I'd like her to be my special friend--a dear friend. You may ask, "are you trying to win her back?". My answer is "I want what's best for us, even if we do not end up together." <br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/1600/bouquet%20propose_mosaic.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/320/bouquet%20propose_mosaic.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br />Ah...on bended knee, huh. But this screams "Happy Valentine's and Happy Birthday!" ;)lotsachihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07041621273955296541noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8531173.post-1138784866344521582006-02-01T03:08:00.000-05:002006-02-01T04:09:59.766-05:00Being ChineseCulture and religion can be inseparable, yes...to a certain level. I don't consider myself as a pure Chinese--well, not the way that I was brought up, you know...with the education and stuff. <br /><br /><em>Hint: I'm not Chinese educated. </em><br /><br />But that doesn't mean that I don't know any Chinese character at all. I was sent to learn Chinese when I was young. Heh. Not that I can remember much of what's being taught. :P The only thing I'm very proud of was/is my calligraphy. You'd never know, I actually WAS the winner in writing (Chinese characters) in my night-school (a little history: back in my hometown, Teluk Intan, a night school was set up for people of all ages to learn Chinese. Yes! And we have a headmaster and complete set of teachers for all grades - beginner, advanced...etc). What can I say, I'm just good with my fingers and hand! ;P Ehem... <br /><br />I'm a Buddhist. But I don't pray to Buddhist god(s). However, seeing other Chinese praying to deities and Gods reminds and rejoices me of my strong cultural heritage. Once (for a short period of time) I grew up in an orthodox Buddhism home--my maternal grandparents home, in an old Chinese village in Bukit Merah, Ipoh. <br /><br /><em>Actually, I'm Ipoh-born--the place in Malaysia dubbed as 'where the pretty gals are born/produced'.</em> *winks*<br /><br />The last time I encountered being surrounded (very close) by orthodox Buddhism and tradition was during my grandfather's funeral. Yes, in that house. With burnings of the papers resembling money, gold, lady and/or guy (as maids to serve in the underworld), house, car...etc, (orthodox) chanting, incense and offerings (food, fruits and drinks - to the spirits and REAL people paying their respect). <br /><br />It was about 18 years ago. Yes...I'm kinda old now (to have vivid recollection of that event). :P<br /><br />In conjunction of the CNY, some Chinese practice the burning, offering and praying for success, prosperity and good health (not necssarily in this order). I have never experience this for a very long time already--between 15-19 years. <br /><br />On CNY eve, I was surprised and moved upon seeing the 'gold paper folded up as offering' (to be burnt) in the restaurant that I worked! The inquisitive me asked the lady boss of the history behind the offering and burning :P Heh. Not that I didn't know, but I wanted to make sure, remind of and perhaps learn a bit more what I didn't know about it. :P Haha. <br /><br />I felt like a 5 year old kid asking, <em>"what's the rice for?"</em>, "<em>what's the sweet for?"</em>, <em>"what's the dried oyster for?"</em>, <em>"what's with the exact number of joss stick?"</em>. Haha... <br /><br />*blushes* <br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/1600/prayer1.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/200/prayer1.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/1600/prayer2.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/200/prayer2.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/1600/prayer3.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/200/prayer3.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/1600/prayer4.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/200/prayer4.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I stayed over for the 'ceremony' at the restaurant. Oh, I wasn't praying. I was there to witness and oohing-and-aahing the theatricality of the religious little ceremony. In the silence of the burning, I sensed the spirits, and I respected the wholesome of the ceremony. Another reason why I stayed for it was it felt Chinese to me. And I've never been 'this' Chinese before :P <br /><br />Happy Chinese New Year, everyone. May the Year of Dog brings you good health, prosperity and good fortune in every aspect of your life. :)lotsachihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07041621273955296541noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8531173.post-1138775018995810612006-02-01T00:27:00.000-05:002006-02-01T01:23:39.063-05:00January has gone<em><strong>Stone Butch Blues</strong></em> was intense. It has (re)sparked my love and joy of reading. I haven't had this strong emotional--attachment to a book since a long time ago. At one point, I wanted to hurl the book across the room coz it was SO painful and dreadful to go on. And then, sometimes I was so engrossed in it that I've forgotten everything that was evolving around me.<br /><br />I brought the book to read while I was working, and I got yelled at for not taking care of my customers :P <br /><br />-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br />Minimester (winter semester) has begun, and gone. I took 'Writing About Art'. Yup, now I can confidently say that I can give a good critique on fine arts--painting and sculpture. ;) <br /><br />I love it. You know, you can say anything about a piece of art and if it's justifiable and logical, you make strong and profound points. Basically, anything is right because you FEEL and MOVED by it. Unlike science--everything has to be proven. Heh. Let's not go into that. Of course, there's joy in both field/world--the act of discovering ;)<br /><br />Artistically, creatively and aesthetically, I was 'stagnant'. Somehow I felt the cowardice and fear in performing and creating performance after a long 'absence' from practical classes and theatre rehearsals--unproductive. Hence, to 'fix' myself, I volunteered for <a href="http://www.questfest.org">QuestFest</a> ;) By doing so, I put myself in the theatre scene--workshops and performances. <br /><br />I felt good learning the Indian classical dance (drama)--<em>kathak</em> and <em>kathakali</em>. So much stomping. Well, actually it's more like 'slapping' the floor with the foot! Oh, I was introduced to the <em>mudras</em> (hand gestures) as well ;) Gee, I should have learned this (not the stomping, the <em>mudras</em>) while I was in KL, when I was attending Indian dance performances regularly. Oh boy, I MISS THE SUTRA HOUSE! <br /><br />Aerial theatre was scary, but LIBERATING. I actually went there to check out the workshop, NOT to participate. However, it's rather ermmm...uncool and not-so-nice to turn down M's (and other participants) invitation. Well, ok. So I swung and hung myself at the trapeze. It takes so much trust and confidence (in me) to let go and 'fly'. Hmmm, fyi, the trapeze wasn't like very high but high enough to break some bones and even can be fatal if one breaks the neck! Yeah, no safety net. The only safety was M's great observation and support. I did it coz I TRUST her. :)<br /><br />Going to Butoh workshop was like going 'home'. At least it's not alien to me, and I was comfortable with the moves (although it made my muscles ached for a few days!). Doing Butoh relaxes me--it provides a channel to release the darkness of emotions, and pushes me beyond rational thinking. It's kinda liberating too, you know :) <br /><br />More fun times at QuestFest - going to see performances for free! and meeting new people and friends. <br /><br />Having new friends made me realize and contemplate what friendship means, in this foreign land. Of course, those new friends were mostly Caucasians. And so, recently, confronting my (same color) friends has been quite unpleasant. It leaves a sour note on our friendship, on the issue of 'birds of a feather flock together'. Generally and based on value-creation, should the birds flock together? I'm not saying they should or shouldn't - it's very subjective and complex. I'm...I'm just...disappointed of what happened (and still is happening now). <br /><br /><em>Takes in a deep breath. </em><br /><br />The drama will continue...lotsachihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07041621273955296541noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8531173.post-1137831642764829402006-01-21T03:08:00.000-05:002006-01-21T03:20:43.816-05:00the L word (again)I know I've been silent for so long. My apology. Where the heck have I been? Busy <em>lah</em>! Tell you later.<br /><br />This is about the L word. Yeah, 3rd Season is running now. And thanks to many superfriendly and kind lezzies online who keeps every TLW lover up to date on what's going on in every episode--upload, download. ;) <br /><br />One of the scenes in the 2nd episode is about taking Dana's 'shrine' off Alice's wall. It was lezzie-clean-up service hired by Helena (who is sort of 'getting closer' to Alice). You know, gals relationship, ah so complicated. <br /><br />In brief, after much happenings that I've gone through, I am here to 'report' that I've taken my L 'shrine' off my (desk) wall. Yup, like a few minutes ago. I did it myself. No one 'hired' lezzie-clean-up for me. No new gal in my life to 'rip' it off my wall. Well, talking about that, I'd say it'll be embarrassing and not-right to date/see someone new while you're still...you know, errrr...obsessed about someone in the past. <br /><br /><em>Takes in a deep breath. </em>lotsachihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07041621273955296541noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8531173.post-1136018534122327042005-12-31T03:26:00.000-05:002005-12-31T03:42:14.183-05:00Lone Longing WalksIt's Christmas season. Everytime I leave the restaurant and embark on the (walking) journey home, I'd feel a pang of satisfaction (of another day at work) and loneliness. <br /><br />I have grown to long for these lone walks. <br /><br />This is taken on Christmas Eve. The reality of brightening up and 'emptiness' portrayed my whole feelings/emotions. <br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/1600/xmas%20eve1%2005.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/320/xmas%20eve1%2005.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br />I passed an art gallery (owned by Towson Arts Department). I was so captivated by this art piece.<br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/1600/xmas%20eve2%2005.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/320/xmas%20eve2%2005.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/1600/xmas%20eve3%2005.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/320/xmas%20eve3%2005.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br />Bold<br />Seductive<br />Sexy<br />Hidden<br />Dare<br /><br />I stood there for some moments. Looking. Searching. Admiring. I wish I can enact this in my reality. <br /><br />Merry Christmas, Chi.lotsachihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07041621273955296541noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8531173.post-1134898025849853962005-12-18T04:08:00.000-05:002005-12-18T04:38:55.286-05:00No more Baby A? :-(The end of semester means the end of babysitting Baby A. <br /><br />Here's the pics me and K (my Japanese roomate) took with A. <br /><br />He's soooooooooooooo adorable. <br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/1600/aarden%20and%20books.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/320/aarden%20and%20books.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/1600/smiley%20aarden.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/320/smiley%20aarden.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a> <br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/1600/aarden%20and%20clothes.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/320/aarden%20and%20clothes.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/1600/aarden%20on%20bed.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/320/aarden%20on%20bed.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/1600/look%20aarden.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/320/look%20aarden.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/1600/laugh%20aarden.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/320/laugh%20aarden.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/1600/109-0932_IMG.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/320/109-0932_IMG.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/1600/109-0934_IMG.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/320/109-0934_IMG.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br />Then, on Friday, I had a sushi brunch with S (baby A's mum) and A.<br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/1600/steph%20and%20aarden.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/320/steph%20and%20aarden.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br />At the end of the brunch/lunch S pulled out a gift. She said A picked it, for me. What?! How can?! Well, I was shocked. And deeply touched. She made me open the gift. It was...2 CDs. <br /><br /><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/1600/gift%20from%20aarden.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3907/583/320/gift%20from%20aarden.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br />How did baby A know? Drumsex? Hellooooo... <br /><br />It was a great compliment anyway, from S. After all, drum and sex was all I did for my previous solo performance. ;P<br /><br />S said 'drumsex' is supposed to arouse the sexual desire. Ehem... Do I need it? :P But I LOVE THE CD anyway. <br /><br />*hyperventilates*<br /><br />I'm gonna miss baby A so much :'( Same to him...lotsachihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07041621273955296541noreply@blogger.com4